A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey y'all I need some help. Let me start off by talking about my girlfriend. This girl is one of those girls that always makes sure you are smiling, she is just one of a kind. I could write about how much we are in love and how amazing we are together, but id be going on for pages on end. So let me keep it short, she IS the best thing in my life by a long shot, id give my life for this girl. We have been together for 9 months and never had a fight, things are PERFECT! Ok now to my problem. We are both seniors in high school and we are picking colleges. She has a kinda spacific major so not many schools have it. We both really want to go to the same school, but I told her education comes first. She agrees with me but is still on the fence at changing her major to attend the same school as me. I keep telling her she needs to pick what she wants. So the problem is that if she does decide its best for her to attend a college with her major we will have to have a LDR. And that means seeing each other like 4 times a year. When she went on vacation for 16 days we were both like diying just to hold each other, it was so hard to handle. So seeing each other 4 times a year would just be torture. So should we break up?? Idk because if I did break up with her she would be devastated, like really bad, and so would it, my heart would shatter into a bazzilion pieces. I wouldnt be able to go after other girls cause she would always be on my mind and thinking about how much I need her. So I don't know what to do, being apart from each other for 4 years is a LONG time. And people change, she will have differnt friends than me so we will both be differnt people when we graduate. Would we still be compatabul? Would I be wasteing 5 years?Also if I do end it, I'm thinking that I should wait until she picks a college and sends her deposit in and has to go there, because if I told her I was ending it because we would have a LDR she would switch to my college in a heartbeat and refuse to change back. Any one else feel this is a good choice?All help would be fantastic, I feel that if she does decide on a college with her major, any way I deal with it I'm in for a whole world of hurt :(((((( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): well it's honestly hard not to be jealous but if you trust each other enough then usually you can find ways to work through it. Granted, it may mean that you'll need to "give up" some of the girl friends (and she some of her guy friends). Giving up can mean anything from not getting too close to not having any at all depending on your jealousy levels.
It all boils down to whether or not you think it'll be worth it. If you think that this is the age where you want to have your fun and freedom and not feel controlled then perhaps a LDR will become too suffocating for you. But if you want to see yourself with her for the rest of your life, then perhaps making the effort to keep her will be more important than any of your friends (not that i'm suggesting you give up all of your friends either but personally I'm just the type who would view my significant other as greater than my friends).
Talk to her more about it and discuss both of your feelings. And if you're willing to try a LDR (there's really no harm in doing so really), ask her if she'd be willing to do the same. Since you won't be able to see each other in a LDR communication will become very key as you won't be able to pick up much via body language.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of the advise :) as to what you said about being the jelous type, we both are lol. I get jelous of guy friends, and she gets jelous of my girl friends. That's another reason I don't want to have LDR, the jelousy would rip me apart, and probly would for her to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): Currently, I'm in a long distance relationship myself and last year, I was only able to see my boyfriend twice that year (roughly a month in total). When we first started going out we also told each other that education should be the most important and we both knew of the possibility of a LDR coming up in the future. It was painful and lonely having him leave and the first couple of weeks after he leaves were always the worst but after a while, it gets better as I start to anticipate his return instead.
CONS
Speaking from personal experience I can tell you that it's hard, lonely, and requires a lot of effort to maintain. it's easy to start to feel like you're being left out from the other person's life. The important part of this is that you need effort from BOTH sides. It really depends on the kind of relationship you have now too and if either of you are the jealous type, then there may be a bit more of a problem.
PROS (yes there are in fact some)
The excitement I feel when he comes back is insane. I get distracted from like everything I try to do (which kind of sucks during exam period =P). Whenever he comes back, it's like Christmas morning every day and I just feel so giddy about it all. You also get a bit more freedom. I'm not talking about freedom to go cheat or do bad things without your girlfriend knowing, but freedom to do some of the things you want to do that you may not have had time for (or your girlfriend just doesn't like doing). Whether you want to join clubs/volunteer/work/sports/etc you'll also have more time to explore your own interests.
THINGS TO DO
Like CJH mentioned, there are many ways for you to stay in touch. The phone, im, email, webcam, etc.. etc.. you can even try to find summer jobs in the same city. Perhaps you can write her letters or send her little cards and packages when you think of her or when it's a special holiday. Maybe plan a trip to go together when you both have time off.
In my honest opinion (unless she turns out to be a total pain for some reason which from the sounds of it she isn't) I think it'd be more likely you'd regret breaking up with her when there's a chance it could've work than not breaking up with her and having wasted the time waiting. If she's a nice girl and you love her, even if the two of you don't end up being together for life, the time you spend together won't be wasted nor a regret to you. So I suggest you not to break up with her and see how things go. If in two years time you realize that you two are no longer suitable, it wouldn't be too late then either (you're still really young).
My bf and I have been going long distance for two years now and the majority of our relationship has actually been long distance. Yet, we still love each other as much as ever and still find the time to talk with each other everyday.
Hope this helps and good luck to you!
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male
reader, CJH  +, writes (16 December 2010):
 You know what, yu may just have found your soulmate here. Its been many years since I`ve read a love story like yours, dont throw it away.You have the internet - webcams - telephones and all sorts of ways to stay in touch with the girl of your dreams. Its amazing to hear you talk about whats best for her rather than being selfish and insisting she changes her course to be with you.From what I`ve read here, I think you two have a very strong chance of making an LDR work for you. The sort of love you share isnt just about the physical is it? Its about being close mentally and thats easy to do no matter what the distance.Four years out of a life time is actually a drop in the ocean my friend. Don`t give this one up because you may never find another who loves you or that you can love as much.Good luck. Please let us know how it goes whatever you decide to do ok?Great question, thanks for asking it.
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