A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid and 2 everyone reading this letter of mine, i need help. i need advice" i was with my fiancee for 3year now.he promis of marrying me,last august we plan to get married" evrything is set. 1 week before the cevil wedding he back it out,he said his not ready. his asking 4 forgiveness and another chance,i give him that. till now im still nice to him. d problem is. i feel i lost my trust on him.i love him but evrytime i think of wat happen i feel so hurt' im crying evrynight.im trying to blame my self because i allow him 2 do dis 2 me. i dont wanna lose him,but dis is really hurting.he really hurt me.pls. help me, i need some advice.i need 2 over come dis. i need to move on in life. im 35 years old.i wanna get married but how can i push my fiancee to get married if he is not ready like wat he said. his family know me they are nice to me and i respect them, dats one reason i can not tell him to let me go and find somebody else to marry me. oh my god" if theres only a real god around me, im gonna down on my knee asking for help... pls. help im kind of desperate.. tnx for you all.... more power dearcupid.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 You asked: How do I get him to marry me if he isn't ready???
I think the better question is: Why the hell would you want to marry a man that is not ready to marry You????
Let me put this into another perspective for you:
If a young man asks "How do I get my virgin gf to give me sex if she isn't ready????" How would you respond to this?
Same way I am responding to you. If he is not ready, do not try to force him. And if he is not ready, and you are not willing to wait, find someone else.
-Frank B Kermit
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): I have to say a loving and understanding heart would not want to FORCE another into marriage. Marriage has to be a two person commitment between man and woman.
I say as much as it hurts and is hard to do; you will have to accept his actions as is. Let him go.
Look after yourself.
*hugs*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): I think it is a bad idea to get married if he is not ready....just try to relax, take a break from each other with the communication that you want to talk about this in one week, and then sit down calmly with him and try to listen to his concerns without judgement and with empathy....tell him how hurt you are and try to explain why and what you want him to do to regain your trust.
You have a whole lifetime to be together if you work out as a couple, don't rush the wedding, but give yourselves time to rebuild your relationship, and if there are issues that just aren't working in your relationship and can't be resolved, important issues, then maybe marriage is not the right thing for you to do.
If there is family counseling available to you, I recommend you get some before making the leap to marriage.
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