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female
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*llison26
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We live together, and everything has been great until about a month ago, when I realized we hadn't made love for almost 2 months. I asked him why, and he said we have different schedules. Then, the next day he accidentally left his cell phone at home. He received a text message. It was from a girl, and said "Are we still not talking? You're making me sad :( " Suspicious, I checked his cell phone bill and matched the numbers to the names in his phone. He has been calling two different girls constantly, and at all hours of the night and day.Should I tell him that I looked at his phone bill and ask him who they are, or should I call these girls myself? Or is this evidence enough that he is cheating, even with no physical evidence? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2005): My heart goes out to you because I think your gut instincts are telling you what exactly he's been up to. Perhaps this is why you felt the need to snoop on him, in the first place. Has there been past "trust" issues with this guy? Has he ever lied to you before? If he has..just remember..lying has to be one of the most destructive and deliberate forms of manipulation there is. It destroys trust-it destroys credibility and it destroys relationships. It shows contempt & disrespect for others and if anyone stands for it in a relationship, they have to ask themselves, what's wrong with their sense of self-value that they would allow themselves to sit by and merely 'put up with it'. Think on this-it might make things much clearer for you, in this relationship.
I look at it this way-if these women on his cell phone bill are merely 'just' friends, then WHY didn't he tell you about them? Many of us, who are in committed relationships, are good friends with people of the opposite sex-but we usually share those friendship with our partners or at the least..tell them about these friends! So what's up here? In a nutshell, the possibilities are great that he's cheating or thinking of doing it. The only way to find out is ask him and hopefully, he'll come be honest and clean and not lie. Remember, to remain calm and strong-and don't accuse him. Believe in your right to know. So be very specific about what you won't tolerate in this discussion-make it clear you want total honesty. You should prepare yourself emotionally, and mentally for the fact that he may confess to an infidelity and your relationship may not survive this. You do need to talk to him, hun or this will erode your self-worth and make you very, very bitter. I am sorry that you are enduring this, dear because I can only imagine how all this is giving you so much heartache, and pain, and suffering and you are looking for answers. I really feel your heart is telling you what to do. Talk to your bf. Then make your decision. Just my opinions here, hun..you may or may not agree. But sometimes we have to take the blinders off and see what's right in front of our noses. Best of luck to you and do what's best for YOU.
Hugs,
Irish
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 October 2005):
 I think you should ask him what the heck is going on and if you don't like his answers then move on. You deserve happiness.
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female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (13 October 2005):
 This isn't physical evidence, but ask him who these other ladies are and why he's constantly calling them? If he don't want to be with you, have him tell you instead of leading you on. Let him know how you feel about this situation that you aren't going to go on like this.
If he cares about you at all, he'll let you know what's going on. He won't hide it from you and act like nothings wrong.
If he hasn't made love to you in 2 months, why don't you try for it if that's what you want.
Either way, find out what is really going on, but if he isn't willing to let you know, then you should finally get rid of him cuz that's just trouble he's causing and he's obvoiusly not trying to make things better between you too.
GOOD LUCK!!!
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female
reader, Becca42478 +, writes (13 October 2005):
I would say if you call the girls yourself there is a 50% chance or more that they will cover for him, especially if they know about you already. The best route would have been to text back something incriminating & check the response, but I think there was a small window of opportunity there that has already passed. The fact that she's texting implies she may know about you and what she text suggest emotional attachment. In fact, most girls don't get emotionally attached really, until they sleep with a guy. It doesn't look good that he's been calling not one, but two girls constantly. That's not the way you act in a 3 year realationship. If you feel you need to catch him cheating in order to leave, be quiet, clever and sly as a fox about it. I think you have enough evidence to get out of this, but it's really up to you what you think you need to see to get out.
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reader, pops +, writes (13 October 2005):
No. You had no business going through his personal affairs. He has ended the relationship with you at least 2 months ago, and just doesn't know how to tell you its over, without hurting you. Stop calling him, stop seeing him. Be polite if you meet, or he calls, but decline further dates. Find a new guy. Its his loss, and probably is in your best interest to be done with him. No one needs a cheater.
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