A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A couple of years ago I was in a serious relationship lasting two years. This was my first ever relationship. A few months before our relationship finished, we went on holiday. On the last night of the holiday, we went dancing (something I hated back then). I tried to enjoy myself, but I kept thinking about the next day which I expected to be very long given we had a 9 hour flight ahead of us.I remember a certain dance song being on, and I tried to dance to it, and she turns to me and says "You really can't dance, can you?" This was a soft spot for me, since it was something I didn't like doing and was only trying to do for her. So I was pissed off for the rest of the night, and whenever we got back to our hotel room I apparently spoilt our last night. This has been something I have never been able to get over, because I see it as one of the reasons our relationship broke down. And worse still, any time I hear that song now, I always think back to her giggling away and trying to have a nice time with me in the hotel room, and me being grumpy sucked the fun out of her last night. We broke up about a year and 3 months ago, and I still think about this.Does anybody else get reminded by bad times through certain music? Also, how can I stop blaming myself for what happened that night?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): Hey man, I feel for you but what happened to you happens to everyone at some point in their life and it is something you will learn from. It is normal to sometimes over-blame yourself for something like you are doing now. Yeah maybe you should have lightened up, but then again you didn't choose to be sensitive to that comment she made; it was just one of those things that happened and you will come to see it that way.
I had a very similar situation to you once, and this song still comes on the radio, even though it's been almost three years. For years it used to remind me of the bad times and make me feel down and regretful, but it got to the point where one day I just felt OK about it all and now I remember all the good times and have stopped blaming myself.
You will move on from what happened too. And I bet the next time you're in a relationship, you won't make the same mistake again. And that is what failed relationships are there for; to help us learn about ourselves, and become better people for the next time around.
Give it more time, and the next time you're beating yourself up, remind yourself that actually you have tons of good traits and personality to offer someone.
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