A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so about a week ago, my roommate and her boyfriend decided to try and set me up with one of his roommates (let's call him John). That part of the plan is going swimmingly. He likes me but he wants to get to know me better before asking me on a date. The problem? His other roommate (we'll call him Joe).After we hung out a couple times in a big group (once at my place and once at a movie) Joe also has decided he's interested, but I'm definitely not. He's super nice and funny and all, but I'm just not attracted to him. He has asked me to hang out once and I turned him down by saying we "should all hang out again as a group like last time" and he took it like I was rejecting him (as he should have). Yet, he still keeps talking to me. I am HORRIBLE at this sort of thing and I feel awful about turning him down...he's a nice guy, but I'm not gonna date him because I feel bad about not liking him in that way. Plus the fact that I like John and John likes me complicates things. How do I let him down easy?
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male
reader, Joelsy  +, writes (26 August 2011):
You could also try to get John to talk to Joe, it's quite likely that if he likes you enough to be worth dating he'd help you out, and being a room mate of joes probably gives him some influence as well. I think your best bet is to let him down yourself and clarify that you are just friends or you could ask John to tell him to back off. It all depends on his personality and feelings towards you but you may cause him to resent you being with John and even letting him down gently may damage your friendship.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 August 2011):
 Ir's not up to you to "let him down easily".... it's up to HIM to understand that you aren't interested in him in the same manner that he's interested in you....
From your writing, it sounds to me like you've made your position perfectly clear. You don't owe him any more explanation.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): I agreed with Blod. If he comes on strong, just say "you're very nice, but you're not my cup of tea..I think of you as a friend..etc etc" When he realises you're not interested and you are not leading him on, he'll turn his attentions on someone else. Just make sure that you are definitely not interested in him before you do this!! In the meantime, if I were you, I'd forget about John. He's not making any effort so don't bother wasting your time on him.
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A
female
reader, Blod +, writes (25 August 2011):
 I think you're doing the right thing. The most important thing, in my opinion anyway, is that you don't lead him on. And you're not, which is good.
There's no easy way to let him down and being gentle is difficult because no matter how you put it, it's personal. The best you can do is to say something like "I'm flattered and you're a really nice guy but I only see you as a friend. Sorry." It doesn't sound great but that's probably the nicest way of putting it! It's up to him whether he's willing to accept that or not, but at least being straight with him keeps you in the clear. It's his problem then if he's not happy about you and John.
Good luck!
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