A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently acquired a bit of a phone stalker... problem is, it's someone who really should respecy my position in the workplace as their boss.I try to mainatain a good relationships with everyone who works for me in my work - I try to be a friend as well as a senior, and usually this is fine. I have never come across any problems. About 4 months ago, a new guy came in below me and was introduced to me as his regional director. I treated him the same way I'd treat anyone else, professionaly, but friendly. But since then he has become very clingy, very needy and texts me almost everyday. He texts me sometimes about work related problems, but then always somehow tries to turn it around in to a personal conversation - telling me he is attracted to me, will I meet up with him. I've always been very polite and just said I was very busy with work but he never stops. He's recently been sending me messages which are growing more and more as if he believes we are actually in some form of relationship. I know that osunds bizarre, but that it was truly what its like. He says love you at the end of every txt, calls me "sweetie" and "babe", and on top of that he has now started adding friends of mine on facebook - PERSONAL friends, not work friends, and messaging them talking to them about me. My friends also think his behaviour is very bizarre.It's getting to the point that I am starting to feel very awkward about working with him as I am trying to maintain a level of proffesionalism in the work place. I have no desire whatsoever to date this guy, and I have said to him on more than one occasion I didn't want to meet up for coffee, but he just wont take the hint!What can I do? I'm sure he means well, but he's getting obsessive to the point I am feeling uncomfortable.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 So report him already...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): The messages have also got a little needy in the sene he's saying he needs someone to talk ot about some personal stuff. But then at the end he says "if you don't want to that's fine, i'm sure I'll be ok somehow" - which i like emotional blackmail.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 October 2008):
If you have a Human Resources dept. then go discuss this situation with them, this is harassment. If you don't have a HR dept. then discuss this with your own boss. This is serious. Keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): I understood that he must have searched for you on facebook and gone through your friends list.
I am actually a little concerned that this guy may be a danger, maybe he isn't but you know, people here always assume that there is a problem that can logically be sorted out when in the real world, sometimes there are real problems and dangerous or mentally ill people.
There is nothing from what you wrote that suggests he is justified in adding your friends to facebook and talking about you. The whole behaviour is more than odd and sets alarm bells ringing.
I would immediately sit him down and tell him to stop what he is doing in every way. You are his boss and a work colleague and no more and he has no right to invade your privacy as he is doing and there is no potential for anything other than a working relationship.
Then see what he does and if anything carries on then I would be alarmed enough to contact the authorities and make a real complaint of harrasment/stalking or whatever it is as i think he may have a deluded and unhealthy attachement to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Just to clarify, I didn't add him on facebook. He searched for me, added me - I declined but he added all my friends as they can still be viewed without an accepted frind request.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 October 2008):
First off, you have never said, stop this I don't like it / you in that way. You added him to facebook and he's probably got the message that you like him but are playing hard to get / are now his best mate but too busy to meet.Ask him to one side and say you want these messages to stop... that you are happy to talk about work problems but you have no interest in him outside of that. Tell him you just think it's inappropriate for him to call you sweetie and babe and you want it to stop. Make it clear that you want to solve this now and it not to go any further. If he continues, give him a warning that you will go up the chain if he doesn't stop it. If he still continues, go to your boss about it and get them to have a word about how it will not be tolerated.Good Luck!! xx
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