A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started dating this guy casually. We werent exclusive but despite neither one of us wanting to be in a relationship, we became close. He told me he loved me.7 months in I find out he is living with a girl who has just had his baby!!! Apparently it was the result of a fling, he feels no love for her but is dependent on her for housing and access to the baby so is trying to 'grow to love her'. He is still sleeping with her occasionally and she is in love with him and knows nothing of me.I've made it clear I dont want him back but I can see how messed up his life is and how badly depressed he is becoming. He says im the only one he can open up to and is desperate to be friends. I miss his company terribly but I've since seen him out with yet another girl.My question is - should I be angry at his infidelities even tho we werent in a relationship and am I an idiot to stay friends with him and help him through this??? Opinions would be much appreciated!!! Thanks
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 If you want to stay friends with him - and it's certainly your choice to do so - make it absolutely clear that you are only friends. No tripping and falling into bed together. No money lending. Offer emotional support only. I have a feeling that you will see what he really means by "friends".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Well from what I've read so far :
Its ok to be friends with someone like that, since it's just being friends. We all need a friend. You guys aren't in a relationship so I mean...I don't see the problem.
You said you saw him with another girl and that upset you, so maybe you can't be friends with him coz you still have feelings for him. Thing about being friends is accepting them for who they are and being there for them.
What he prolly really needs is indeed a friend. If are strong enough to give him friendship then go for it. But if you are gonna succumb and give him sex or kiss or something then no, you can't become friends. If he makes advances on you and you reject him then good for you, you can maintain being friends.
I guess my answer is different from the others but I hope it helps anyway. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): Move away and move on..how many female 'friends' does he has. i'd find it very difficult to believe what he's saying. From an outside perspective he sounds selfish, self obscessed and not good enough for you. You want some one with little or less baggage than him and someone who's a bit more financially secure. You can do better and you will. Do your best to keep busy, start a fitness class, pick a mini marathon and start training for it. Forget him, give yourself a goal and put your energies into that.. not him!
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A
female
reader, mitta +, writes (14 June 2009):
You need to move on and forget this man who sounds like abit of a user to me.
Nobody was ever going to be fully happy in this situation, not him, her or you. Hes using you as an emotional crux and his babys mom for housing, and it sounds like some other girl for sex.
Dont let him make you feel bad about the situation hes gotten himself into, hes a grown man. Tell him you cant help him, only he can do that for himself. it might sound like being cruel to be kind but you have to think of your own happiness first... He certainly is only thinking of himself.
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