A
female
age
36-40,
*afenator
writes:I have been married almost three years, I have a two year old and my relationship with my husband is great. I have a crush on a guy at work. A serious crush. I'm talkin' when I unexpectedly see him, I get flustered and I can't concentrate. When I am having sex with my husband I am thinking about this other guy. What's my problem? He has a girlfriend, but I think he knows how I feel. I don't really want a relationship with this guy, just sex. I know that sounds horrible but it's true.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 October 2007):
 If you think he knows it's because you're giving him hints. There will always be men who you're attracted to....so what. LOVE is much bigger than sex. You said your relationship with your husband is great. Then don't mess it up by screwing some guy. Sex is an act. Love is a project, choice, commitment, sacrifice etc. IF you can't keep away from this guy, it would be better if you left your husband first...before cheating. You should also leave your child with him since he's probably more focused and thinking clearly about marriage,family and the child. If you screw this guy you're rolling the dice for your entire family. There are consequences. Imagine telling your child, in the future, that you left the family because you desired another man's body/penis etc.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): In my experience, women in general can't 'just have sex', they nearly always eventually get emotionally involved with whoever they have sex with. Something to do with that part of the female brain that's programmed to be the homemaker and mother etc. Men are different in that respect and are programmed to spread their genes everywhere they can.
The guy at work may well take you up on any offer you make unless he's seriously committed. If he's not, and he knows how you feel about him, he would have made some amorous moves in your direction by now.
I think therefore that it would not be a good idea to try to put this fantasy into practice because you'll most likely be turned down. However, if it should happen that you do sneak off for a spot of nookie your marriage will never ever be the same again.
You say your marriage is great, but I quite wonder if it really is as great as it could be. If it was really great I don't think you'd give this other guy a second look in this way.
My advice would be to think very carefully what you would stand to lose, and all the heartache you would cause if you went ahead with this . . . and then keep it as a fantasy . . . . unless you fancy the idea of being a single mother.
Phil
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): i know wat you are talking about i've been through it ,the best thing to do is keep as far away from this guy,avoid long conversations,get to the point and dat's it, snap out of it if you catch yourself day dreaming...............trust me it works but it takes practice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): It does sound horrible. I think you should keep your distance and hope that those crazy thoughts that you are having fade.
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