A
male
age
51-59,
*dc38
writes:I have a problem. I started dating an amazing woman approximately 5 months ago. I'm very much in love.I'm a 38 yr. old male (divorced 9 months ago) I looked at a couple other posts on this subject, but wanted to provide my story and hopefully get an answer that will help me.When out in public with my gf, I stare, gawk, eyeball "f" other women. When my gf informed me of this, and I became conciously aware of it, I attempted to modify my behavior and consciously NOT stare at other women. I am failing miserably. She told me this morning that last night was the worst. I swear that I was attempting NOT to stare at other women. Sure I'd look around, survey the area, I looked at men, women, the bar, inanimate objects, etc. Her friends have noticed this behavior too. I don't want to do this. I understand and agree that it is disrespectful and hurtful, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her or ruin our relationship. I can't seem to look at other people (women) appropriately. I don't want to lose this woman (in fact I want to spend the rest of my life w/her), but that's going to happen if I don't find a way to solve this problem ! Help !!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 July 2010):
 Like they always say, the first step is admitting you have a problem and you have. So you want to work on it, it's great that you know it hurts her and you want to stop. It's very nice. Many men seem to think it's their inalienable right to start at women like pieces of meat and it's just rude. Would you stare a deformed person either? It's normal to check out other women, but it's not cool to just stare and gawk at them, especially in front of your girlfriend. Do you look at porn? Most men I've known who gawk look at porn too, and the men I know who don't gawk don't look at porn either, which is basically private gawking. So not looking at porn would definitely help. Also, if you're girlfriend finds checking out other women disrespectful I can't imagine her being OK with a porn habit. One part of your question worries me a little:
" I can't seem to look at other people (women) appropriately."
It's a very bad thing if you can't see a woman beyond her boobs and ass. It's very bad if you can't help but mentally undress every woman you meet. It doesn't show a ton of respect in your mind for women and probably clouds your view. You have a good start in that you want to change, but really the only thing you can do is NOT stare at other women. Keep your mind on your girl, look ahead. When you see someone really hot, turn the other way. Once you have it under control you can go back to trying to be sneaky, but for now it's probably best to just avoid it.
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