A
female
age
26-29,
*rincesspriya
writes:HelloI have been with my boyfriend for almost 12 months now, and I have been really happy. Everything has been fine until this year, when he was told he had to attend a computer course at a technical college once a week. Since going to college he has been getting texts continuously, and he is on his phone all the time. He won't tell me who his talking too, he just says, friends. On Wednesday his phone was on charge at my parents house and I opened it to find he had received 1320 text messages from one number, I sent a text to the number and a reply came instantly asking for a date. I was tempted to agree and see who it is, but I suspect it is a European girl that attends his college class. I went to the college with him once in June and he did not want me to go, as we went in a girl came past, I asked if he knew her, he said Yes, but she said nothing as she came past and even then it made me suspicious. I'm sure there is a picture of this girl on the front of his phone now, but I need to get the phone again to see better and check it.Should I tell him I know about the messages, or go to see the girl and ask what is happening?
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female
reader, Princesspriya +, writes (24 July 2016):
Princesspriya is verified as being by the original poster of the question I do not see my boyfriend for three days now, and he does not answer my phone calls so I think he has saved me a bad job of saying it's over!
Thank you to everyone for the good advice. You were right!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 July 2016):
 Talk to your boyfriend and ask him to explain. If you have been together a year then surely you can talk to each other about these things, are you worried he will tell you that he does like her? That he will leave you? It does not sound good on his part, I would not trust him if he does not want you about his college and is being secretive over who he texts.
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A
female
reader, Princesspriya +, writes (19 July 2016):
Princesspriya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have make it clear the messages was other a three to four week period, but it still seem quite high to me, or maybe it was just a shock to see so many messages. I did not have much time to read them, but The message I read was just chat, nothing about college.
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A
female
reader, Kaia_cupcake +, writes (18 July 2016):
Hello there Princesspriya,I think you should just talk to the guy. If you've been dating for so long and it's been going as well as you wrote then surely you should be able to talk to him about any issues or doubts you're having.Remember, the foundation of a relationship is communication. It's true that you need to be able to trust your boyfriend also, but, most people know that this can be very hard even in the best relationships. Therefore, if you don't trust him, which is completely normal considering the situation you're in, you have to talk to him about it. There is purely no point in talking to the girl about this, because you don't know for sure if anything is going on yet. I advise that you handle this with caution. You wouldn't want to ruin a good relationship would you?? She may just be a very good friend of his.Talking to him is the best option at this point, as you do not have clear evidence that anything is going on. He should be fine with talking to you about this if there really is nothing going on. Ask him if he could maybe introduce you to her and see his reaction.Hope this helps xx
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A
female
reader, Princesspriya +, writes (18 July 2016):
Princesspriya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice. I think you are confirming what I was thinking.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 July 2016):
 I agree with SVC,
Don't put blame on the girl, she is NOT the one you are in a relationship with. YOUR BF is. And he has ACTIVILY been texting her, when he COULD have told her:" hey I got a GF".
You don't HAVE to check his phone. You already knows what's going on. Whether he has per picture on there or not... it's irrelevant.
And no, don't go see the girl. Ask him to explain what's going on with that girl. IF he gives you some lame "she is just a friend" or "I don't know who that is" or " you don't trust me!!" then you know he is a cheater and not worth spending another minute dating.
And whether she is European, American, Australian or Indian... is also irrelevant.
The issue you have is that your BF is at the very least.. EMOTIONALLY cheating on you with another woman and he is not even bothered to hide it from you. He will sit and text her RIGHT in front of you. How is that for lack of respect?
So the BALL is in you court. Will you continue to date a liar and a cheat? or not.
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A
female
reader, Princesspriya +, writes (18 July 2016):
Princesspriya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice, I am sure that this girl is perusing him, but maybe it is better to just accept it is over, like you say. I know he thinks it would be OK to have both, that is why I would rather not confront him about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2016): If he's not cheating at the moment he sure is on his way.His behavior is so obvious.Why does he stay with you?Because he either wants his cake and eat it too or he's preparing to leave you, weighing his options.If you confront him, he'll probably deny everything and call you crazy and paranoid. There is a small chance (and I wouldn't count on it!) that he may feel relieved and tell you it's over. Some people lack guts.I wouldn't even think about confronting the girl. She has nothing to do with you.So... what do you do? Sit him down, tell him that you find his behavior is unacceptable. Do not mention what you thinks is the reason and stick to the facts you have the right to know (which doesn't include you checking his phone).You are both very young... it's normal that you notice and become interested in other people (infatuated even). What's not okay is his behavior. He cannot treat you that way and you have to show him that.And make no mistake, he does not behave like someone who respects you or loves you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 July 2016):
 Oh dear OP I'm sorry to say that this is not very good at all.
This is not about the girl at all but rather about the boyfriend.
He's NOT a very GOOD boyfriend. He's lying to you. He's sneaking around on you...if he's NOT cheating then he will probably soon be.
STOP blaming HER. this is NOT her fault.
Accept that you don't trust him with good reason and proceed accordingly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2016): It depends. Over 1000 messages from her sounds excessive. Did you snoop enough to see if he was flirting back? I get less than 1000 texts from my own bf in a few day's time!
Do what I did, next time you get his phone, block her text and number. Download an app that let's you get texts and emails and websites from his phone. Then, text her from your phone and tell her all communication must come through you. If she has something legit to day, "study group switched conference time to Saturday at 400", pass it on.
Even if they did talk work/school the conversation is too flirty. Yes, he can socialize some, but only as situational friends. That means his conversation w her is too personal, too friendly
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (18 July 2016):
Oh dear. This sounds very much that he's cheating I'm afraid. The secrecy, all those messages! And you think he's got her as his screen saver too? And the lack of him wanting you at the college etc etc... Stinks of cheating. I wouldn't confront her or him. I would simply say that you are aware of his behaviours that you are aware of, this enough disrespect to be frank to find what's happening unacceptable.
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