A
male
age
30-35,
*iian62
writes:In 8th grade, I met this Girl. I thought she was extremely pretty and interesting. of course, I had no hopes of ever becoming involved with her, simply because I felt that I wasn't up to the standards of any girl in general. Little did I know that she actually liked me, and eventually we started dating. Well, dating may be an over-statement. Like I said, this was in 8th grade and I had never actually had a steady or serious relationship before with the opposite sex. it lasted for about 2 weeks, we never met outside of school and when I asked her about it she said she wasn't allowed out of the house. Secretly I was relieved because I was still in my awkward stages and would be about as nervous as a guy could be. When we did break up(can't remember the specifics) it was abrupt. And left too many questions to be answered. Of course,I was upset I mean after all I was still extremely attracted to this girl. And the ensuing summer i would periodically creep around her myspace and we would talk briefly at times. However before the end of the vacation, I met this other girl who at the time became love-struck with. We started dating and when my freshman year of High-school started we were inseparable.As luck would have it, my old love had the same Algebra class and English 9 class as me, and on top of that she sat directly behind me. i gave her the cold shoulder, even when it became clear that she liked me still. However, I was still hurt over what happened the previous year didn't want to hear it. So fast forward to the end of the year and as it turns out, she started riding my bus and I learned that she moved withing a 5 minute walking distance from where I lived. Needless to say, my old feelings took over and I started talking to her in school, and eventually we started hanging out at her house(she wasn't allowed to leave the yard) When we would talk, it was a mutual feeling we shared that we were still attracted to each other. But I was still in the relationship I started with the girl during the summer and thus, I could not bring myself to cheat. (she even asked me what I would do if she kissed me)This continued on until summer started up again, but our endeavors did not carry over. We lost touch and she ended up moving to the next town at the start of Sophomore year. So I put her out of my mind and continued to develop my relationship with my the other girl. Hell, You could say I even forgot about her in some ways. Fast forward to the end of sophomore year and I am still involved with my love from two years earlier.(albeit a little less than when I started) I thought we would be inseparable. However, I once again made contact with my old love, this time it was over Facbook/Myspace. Because she moved to WV and Thus being too far away to meet in person. The things we talked about..covered us having sex, getting back together, and what we would do if we seen each other in person. needless to say, we never hooked back up and my girlfriend actually found some remnants of our conversations.(not any of the heavy stuff) So naturally, teenage girls jealousy kicked in and my GF blocked her from my accounts of both sites. And demanded that I never talk to her again because she was a 'slut'Still, I held this other girl in my heart and refused to forget her. Fast forward to the present( end of my junior year) and this girl has moved back to where she lived freshmen year and is riding my bus again. Of course we now stand with each other at the bus stop and flirt heavily, and sit with each other on the bus to school(and from school when I'm not lifting weights) And we regularly write notes to each other.Now, this is where my heart is confused, my current GF and I have been dating for roughly 3 years now and she is the only girl I had ever had a steady, serious relationship with. But I'm not as attracted to her I was once was. and i am IMMENSELY attracted to this other girl. So much so, that I am willing to cheat for her. And even though my current GF's little friends have tattled on me and told her that I was talking to the girl she holds with disdain the most and we are now fighting over it. I don't care. I do NOT want to stop talking with this girl and can care less what my GF thinks.Now, I know full well where this could lead. And it is exceptionally dangerous as in a few months time, in order for me to stay where I live now and finish Highschool where i started it, I'll have to move in with my current GF. And if I have sex and cheat on her with this other girl my life as I know it may be over unless by some miracle I find an alternative to staying here. But the thing is..I feel strongly for her. I even have a 4-page note I am going to give her explaing how I truly feel and what i think. I know there is a chance of chasing her off or her falling madly in love with me even more so than she is now. (she likes me ALOT) My money is on her wanting me more than she ever has.And if this happens, like i said i will still have to leave in a few months. Possibly never seeing her again. Or if I stop what I am doing and stay faithful, I will have to live with the pain of knowing what could of been and will never be as happy as I should. Making it hard to be around her in school.In all honesty, I will probably give her the 4-page note and that will lead to a lot of things that I would like to happen between us. But.. does this make me a bad person? Is it worth it? Keep in mind that I NEVER cheat and it goes against my morals. But The way this girl makes me feel is unbelievable, and is driving me insane. I don't want to feel confused anymore. Thoughts???
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