A
female
age
36-40,
*sdianne22
writes:my man and i have been together for a little over 8 years now and we have a 2 year old daughter together.....we have been through alot together and i just hate giving up but lately i don't feel like i care anymore............in 2005 we were supposed to get married in his hometown so he went first to make arrangements and stuff and i stayed behind to get things ready on my end.......i sent out the invites, made travel arrangements etc.......he calls 3 days before my bridal shower and says that we can't get married cause i need my first communion papers and baptism papers.......the next day i went to church got them signed stamped and sealed and booked a flight and headed to his hometown.......when i arrived (unexpectedly) i told him i had the papers.......but he never did anything.....if i was smart i should have left then.....but i stayed for a whole month......that was an embarresment....people still make fun of me about that and ask "when you get married" like i made it all up and want him to marry me so bad and like i am chasing him.........which was not the case.......that truly devistated me......and every time i talk to him about marriage he will say soon or next year or something of the sort but he never does anything it is just talk............this is so hard because he is not one of those young punks that cant keep a job and goes out drinking all the time etc.......he owns a restaurant and works 75-80 hrs a week, he just bought us a house (tells everybody he bought it for me) in a upscale neighborhood, he'll do anything for me, buy me whatever i want........but because of his job we don't really have a life together.....we used to.......i used to try more.....i'd go see him at the restaurant or call send little messages, make him stuff, buy stuff for him.....treat him like u should treat your man........but after the wedding ordeal i slowly stopped because i was doing all these sweet things to show him how much he meant to me and he never shows me back........he is what i like to call cold.........he never treats me special.......hold my hand, kiss me just because (not to initiate sex but to gesture that it'll come later) tell me i look pretty, tells me he loves me.............and so i backed off doing those things cause i felt like it was a one sided relationship.....til the point that we really don't even speak at all..........we only talk about our daughter together (but just a couple words) we don't even hang out in the same room.......................and i also feel like he acts like a dad to me.....i never had one and i don't need one now......i mean if i leave a light on he says i told you to turn off the light when you leave a room or he says you need to wash my clothes.....instead of like baby don't forget to turn the lights off.......it's like he comes home looking for something i haven't done...........he always acts so angry about how i keep house........yeah it is not sparkling clean but i have a two year i take care of all day long and when he gets home he doesn't help me...............anyway in december he was going to take off a month and he wanted to go visit his family for the month.........and i wanted him to stay with us (since we don't get much time together) and celebrate our first christmas in the house.......and i told him i me and daughter was not going with him cause i thought it was selfish (we had just went in May for a whole mobth).....and i thought that if he gets 2 vacations a year one should be wish us and other with his family...........he booked his flight anyway..........so i basically trying to avoid him............he didn't ask me what was wrong until the day before his flight and i had to tell him the same things again and told him that we wouldn't be here when he got back.........we had sex later cause it had been over a month........what can i say a girl has needs too.......so the next night he comes home from work early to pack and i go in there with my calendar and ask him what days did he want daughter........and he said you still thinking bout leaving......i said yes........and he said well it's not worth going if i'm going to lose you ............okay if you stay you gonna take off the whole month with us.........he said no maybe a week or two.......i said well you might as well go then.........then he made me all of these problems of how he was going to take more time off with us.........this and that.........i dropped him off at the airport 5:30am............by the way his hometown during christmas time is one big party......and even more so cause all the young people come home for christmas........so when he left i basically felt he chose to party instead of being with us.....so he got back we had a talk......he cried (something he had never ever done) i really felt like he might have been opening up alittle.........but here we are february 2nd............we don't talk or hang out......we haven't had sex in almost a month.......i mean i just feel like we are roomates.....and not just recently but for a long time.......i mean we haven't truly kissed in years.......should i stay and try to rebuild our relationship or am i waiting around for someone who doesn't truly want to be with me...........if he really wanted me as a wife he would have married me years ago i feel like i'm living and waiting on something not going to happen..........and the way things are now i don't know if we should.........but i also know that a large part of our seperateness is me cause i'm so hurt by all the things that have happened and i just let him do it......like okay honey you hurt me bad but i still love ya...........okay i'm gonna shut up now......please help me these people in my head are driving me crazy..lol
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female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 i hope your situation changes! i'll keep you updated on mine but you're right, it has only been 2years so i dont expect much from him at the minute (as much as i would love him to propose). keep in touch. xx
A
female
reader, msdianne22 +, writes (3 February 2009):
msdianne22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer but the talking has not worked. I can't count how many times we've had almost this same conversation and as for advice for you, it's only been 2 years but if you get 4 you better get the heck out while you can. If you are truly wanting the marriage and not STILL his girlfriend. I will keep you posted on my situation k.......let me know bout you!!!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (3 February 2009):
well i cant even imagine how frustrated you must be with the situation, i have been with my boyfriend for two years and i'm already angry that he hasnt proposed yet, i'm ready to settle down and eventually start a family and sometimes i feel like he shows no interest. you have to bear in mind that you have your daughter to think about here so firstly i would speak to your boyfriend. if you think that you could both take care of your daughter whilst being apart (not in the relationship) then make an ultimatum, say that you want to be married to him, this may give him the boost that he needs, however be prepared if he doesnt go along with what you want. it sounds like you're both drifting apart and he should be wanting and craving time with you and your daughter, i know that he is off at work earning money to take care of you both and to make a better like for you but i know that sometimes it's not enough and you need him to be there emotionally and physically. the key is to talk to him, as soon as possible. set aside time and find a sitter for your daughter. hope this goes well for you, keep me updated. x
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