A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. Im 27 years old and newly married to a wonderful guy. My problem is that im terrified of having sex as its very painful. We both were virgins when we got married but we used to engage in a lot of foreplay when we were dating. We saw a gynaecologist and she said that i have superficial dyspareunia and if we had complete intercourse 4-5 times our problem would be solved. Now 7months have passed since then and still im having a lot of pain near my perineum when we have sex. I tried inserting my finger too, it was too painful. My hubby is very much supportive and understanding of the situation. But this is ruining our sex life. When we start with foreplay i dont get aroused like before because im constantly thinking about the pain. We used lubricant, lignocain gel etc but nothing seems to work. Pls help!
View related questions:
foreplay, lubricant, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2015): Hi agony aunts thanks a lot for your answers. I took your advice and tried to relax my body during sex. We changed the position( did from behind). It didnt hurt much and I actually ended up enjoying. I was close to climaxing too:) thank you!
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (22 August 2015):
 Hi,
painful sex can be treated in a number of different ways.
You've already seen a Gynaecologist & nothing much has changed, as a result.
One of the most common reasons for painful sex is because of vaginal dryness, most usually caused by the woman feeling pre-tense, nervous about the pain that is to come during sex, also because she fears that her partner will be put off, because she isn't getting aroused enough.
Many women & it's very normal, get hung up about vaginal dryness. Yet it can pretty easily be overcome by simply relaxing & enjoying the moment & by extending the length of foreplay.
In most cases, this issue can be simply resolved by taking plenty of time with slow & sensual foreplay, as i just mentioned.
Also, if you concentrate on letting yourself go, completely & allowing your husband to pleasure you fully, even if you are afraid @ first & even if you are still dry @ first.
Enjoy every sensation, every touch, simply enjoy the moment & so long as you're completely healthy & there are no serious underlying medical issues, you should get turned on & you should find that you're much more highly aroused.
Relaxing fully during foreplay in most cases, can work wonders, although not always.
Again, i stipulate, do not think about the pain, allow yourself, your body, to work with what is happening & during foreplay, you will start to feel more aroused, more relaxed, if not immediately, @ some point during the act & there is no need, nor pre-requisite to rush.
Rushing through foreplay &/or sex, is really bad from a relaxation & arousal point of view.
Also, vaginismus, vaginal infections, problems with the cervix, problems with the uterus, endometriosis, pelvic inflammitory disease PID, ectopic pregnancy, peri-menopause &/or menopause itself will cause pain, although you're still too young to go through that, but many young women actually do & it's related to genetics, early onset of menopause, intercourse too soon after childbirth, STD's, injury to the vulva/vagina.
All i've listed above, are reasons why a woman may have much pain before, during &/or after intercourse.
Obviously, your situation may apply or may not apply to one or more, or none of the above, but i would highly encourage you to go back to your GP this time around, inform he/she as to what is going on still & in full details.
Ask them to re-refer you to somebody more appropriate, as you've still no answers, after seeing your gynaecologist.
I would always advise people to seek a 2nd opinion, if @ first they don't succeed.
I am sure you will be fine, please try not to worry, nor over-think this situation too much, because i get the feeling that this will certainly not help you to relax & become more highly aroused.
Based on what you've stated, this seems to be a part of what you're going through.
Also, why don't you try to go back to the time/times when you did get aroused very quickly & when you were much more relaxed & mentally, compare the 'then' & 'now'.
Take a good look @ what's changed & if you do notice anything very obvious or significant, try to work on that & mention this to your husband & work on this together.
You are fortunate that you've a good & supportive husband.
In the meantime, try self meditation, yoga, time out just for you & think, reflect about positive sexual experiences that you've both shared & after a while, you will notice that things are coming togther again, but you must allow yourself the right to do so.
Don't be afraid of anything, not your body, not your nerves, not your husband being sensual with you during foreplay, let yourself go & enjoy!! So important.
Remember to talk to your GP, talk openly & frankly with your husband, take your time out & think dirty, yes dirty if you have to & let yourself go, relax.
I would also strongly advise you to read a few self-help books on the topic & if you feel comfy enough, maybe even watch a few documentaries, or sensual movies, just to get you in the mood again & to help you relax.
Finally, if you've tried everything i've suggested & still, no go, then you'll need to have a few medical tests, procedures done/performed, simply to rule out anything underlying or more serious, that's not yet been detected, but i personally doubt very much, that there is anything wrong with you.
I think you are too worried, hung up & concerned about the pain itself & about getting aroused enough to please your husband & to enjoy sex fully.
All the best & please get back to me & let me know how you get on. :-)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2015): This needs to be resolved by a gynecologist. You've already been once and the issue clearly isn't what they thought. You have consistently tried to find ways to make it better yourself. Let the doctor know how bad it still is.
...............................
|
