A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hi guys.I am having a problem right now and I would love for someone to help me.I met a guy in my city 7 months ago and we started communicating everyday and this has lasted 7 months. He lived 4 hours away before so meeting made it hard but recently he has moved only 1 hour away. We speak everyday, almost every few hours, we call sometimes and he has visited 5 times, and I am planning on going up to see him the next 5 or so times. He works around the country so is never usually in one place for long, but long distance doesnt bother me. I am an independent person and seeing them once a month is fine for me and its the same for him. We are close, we share amazing times together when we are in the same location and i feel extremely happy with him. The only problem ive been having for the past month of 2 is that I dont know where i stand. I dont know if we are dating or if we are ever going to be a proper couple. He involves me in his life, asks me to hang with friends when i come down, shows me his hobbies and asks me too abroad with him but the whole 'what are we?' is just up in the air. All my friends have started new relationships and im starting to feel very left out and as though im stuck and cant move forward with him. He knows how i feel, and im not sure telling him again will help, im ok with how things are but i feel like im a complete doormat and my needs are not met. Maybe i should stop everything now before i get hurt because It took me a year to finally let anyone in and i so fra have lot so much faith in men that i cant bring myself to go through it again.Please help what should i do?
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female
reader, sweet_lover101 +, writes (4 June 2012):
 I think I may clear some things for you.I am currently in this situation, but I am in the position of your friend/boyfriend, so I know how it works. The unfortunate truth is that, if he has not called you his girlfriend then he sees your more nothing than just a 'friend'Think about it, has he actually asked you to be his girlfriend? If he hasn't but is continuing with hanging with you and this DOES include 'kissing, spending time together (meaning even sharing intimate moments together, like you said meeting his friends and even sex in some cases. This is nothing more than just what society calls as 'friends with benefits' It may sound very harsh, but it is an awful truth. Some singletons like to be with someone but may not seek commitment. Even if this means you talk to each other 24/7 'like' a real couple in a relationship. If you feel as if this is not for you, then stop yourself from seeing him,as you cannot continue being with someone who does clearly does not feel the same way as you do. Like you said, you have been through this before and I'm really sorry about that, but you should stop as it seems as if he has no intentions of building a committed relationship with you. I hope everything works out, don't worry not ALL men are like this. There will be that one guy one day who will come along and not ever hurt you and will love you. Good luck
A
female
reader, shellycg +, writes (3 June 2012):
 Hi there, unfortunately or fortunately depending on which way you look at it... men are not like us women they have no concept of time and becoming exclusive or an item can scare some men they also go through different stages of dating about for attraction, un-certaintanty, exclusive, and commitment,etc. and maybe because you dont see much or see each other only 1 or 2 times a month then he is more than likely stuck in the uncertainty stage, by you asking him and expressing your feelings he probably feels he cant commit because of his job etc. , then maybe you could write him a nice letter? then when or if or how he replies at least you will have your answer ... dont do what i did and hang around for a guy for a year. !! hugs to you
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 June 2012):
 Normally, after 7 months, a relationship should be defined, especially if there's sex in it. So it's understandable that you're taking issue with the lack of definition.
However, this relationship has been long distance until just recently, which tends to draw the whole "exclusivity" issue out longer. In short, long distance and especially internet relationships move on much slower timelines than purely local ones where access is unrestricted.
You've been in each other's circles for 7 months, but having only 5 dates under your belt, it's the equivalent of about a month, which is too soon for exclusivity.
I'd make those plans to see him and start a more natural dating scenario now that he's only an hour away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 June 2012):
 What should you do? Well, for 1, maybe realize that you two don't move at the same speed when it comes to relationships and commitment. Are you two even exclusive? Have yo talked about that?
Do you really NEED to title or is it because you see your friends in relationships where there is a "title" included?
What's the hurry? You have TALKED to him for 7 months, spend time in person 5 times.
Perhaps you two need to talk about what your expectations are. What YOUR idea of a proper relationship is and what HIS is.
Are you two having sex yet? Because if you start having sex before you have really defined WHAT you are to each other it kind of makes it a little murky.
I suggest next time you are together with him in person that you talk about this. IF you NEED to have the relationship defined you NEED to express it to him. Now if HE doesn't want to or isn't ready, then you have two choices, be patient or dump him.
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A
female
reader, singingchicky +, writes (3 June 2012):
First things first, it seems like you and this guy care about each other. But 7 months of not knowing? That doesn't seem to ring right. In my current relationship, I told him that 3 months was the cutoff; if he and I were to be together officially, that's how long I was willing to wait. You two have been seeing each other closer to a year... I think it's time to sit him down and just ask him "what are we?" I know how hard it is to let someone in after being hurt (trust me on this one) but for you to be in constant wonder of where you stand with this guy doesn't seem right or healthy! You should be the woman in his life, not his doormat, and if he doesn't feel that way, then yes, it might be time to look for someone who will treat you like the independent and strong woman that you seem to be :)
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