A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 years and 3 months. he broke up with me back in july and even though he denies it i do belive that his adult children and their spouses forced him to do this. we finally got back together and now i have been staying with him. i still have my own apartment . when we first got back together he made me lie down in the back seat so that none of his neighbors would see me and then tell his family that we were together. someone in his family saw us and once this happened i didn't have to say down anymore. it took awhile but finally they found out that i was staying with him. his son-in-law threw a fit but it didn't breake us up.as of right now we are doing pretty good other than when he is with his family, (out to eat or visiting them, i am not allowed to go. my family on the other hand always welcomes him at all of our family functions. in a few weeks he will have some extended family from out of town to visit for a few days. i already know that i will not be allowed to be at his house nor participate in anything they do because they do not accept out relationship. His son-in-law told him a few weeks ago that this mans daughter and he had decided back in june that they were no longer going to acknowledge out relationship and refused to be around me. his kids are 36 and 40 years old. they are both married and his daughter that is married to this son-in-law now has 3 children.when these relatives come into town and a few weeks the daughter and son-in-law will have to come over to my boyfriend's house to entertain them because they are ashamed of their house. they will not be staying overnight (the son-in-law and the daughter). I really have accepted the fact that this is a very very dysfunctional family including my boyfriend. i have told him that not standing up for our rerlationship to his family is hurting us and really they do not even have the love or respect for their own father. if they loved him then they would truly want him happy. all they can think about is him being available to help them with home projects and if i am in his life, then he is not as available as they want him to be. he told his daughter the other day that them refusing to allow me into their family is not right. she just sat there and remained silent. i have told him that if he would be a man and tell them how it is going to be with us then they would have more respect for him. he is so afraid that they will disown him and to be honest with you they cannot function without him because he has always solved all of their problems and never wants them to hurt or learn a lesson the hard way. if he ever dies, they will have to dig 2 more holes and bury his kids. how do you think i should handle this situation with his kids and then also with his extended family coming into town in a few weeks. I am very deeply in love with this man and he tells me that he loves me very much. any advice would be appreciated. i would like to do something that will wise this man up. we are both in our sixties and both of our spouses have passed away. please help. i would like to do something that will make him see that what he is doing is wrong, wrong , wrong. thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): Which ones in this family are the adults, you are letting kids treat you like kids! Put a stop to it now and stop pussy footing around. When they come, you be there and tell them that you are with him now and here to stay and they can bloody well like it or lump it! They have lost their comfort blanket, well that is tough!! You both have a right to happiness and that is with whoever you choose, not up to them. Making you lie down in the car in case anyone sees you, i would of gone bloody nuts!!! In fact i would of done all i could to be seen. Dont hide away, be upfront and stop letting these immature idiots walk all over you. When the extended family come to visit make sure you are the one who opens the door, and if they dont like it be the first to shut it in their faces. You both deserve better and if this miserable family cannot be happy for you, then keep them at arms length and stop running around after them. Them kids will have to learn to do stuff for themselves. Its a pity you cannot move far enough away from them, so you dont have to see the miserable buggars again. Be strong and in their faces!!!
take care
xx
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