A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 6 years ago on a lad's holiday I cheated on my girlfriend with a prostitute. (we had been going out for 4mths) It's the worst thing I've ever done and I instantly regretted it. I came home and confessed to her and thankfully she forgave me and gave me another chance. I was so racked with guilt though that i convinced myself I had caught something and went to the clinic and got checked out but I was all clear. It was a terrible time for both of us though. Things between us were great for the next 6 years, we moved in together, talked about getting married and I know she is the love of my life. Recently however I started to feel abit sore downstairs and those old feelings of guilt came back- I began to think maybe they missed something the first time I got tested again. This forced us to relive those painful memories and my girlfriend told me she realised that hadn't forgiven me for what I did and left me.Im absolutely devasted, the guilt and regret I'm feeling is eating me up inside. Is it possible to get her back or do I even deserve to get her back?
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cheated on my girlfriend, moved in, prostitute Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): I find it VERY odd that after six years this all comes out. Either A. she never forgave you to begin with but convinced you and/or herself that she did. Or B. there was something else wrong in the relationship and when these memories were dredged up, she decided to use them as an excuse to leave.
BTW, if you were seeing a doctor regularly (check ups and what not) I find it highly unlikely your problem recently was something that was "missed" from back then.
best of luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): my partner cheated on me two years ago. sometimes i feel we're getting over it and sometimes i feel that we would be better to separate. these things can take years. i suspect she loved you very much and tried to bury her feelings to stay with you but the itching incident brought back the unhappy memories and she has realised if she hasn't been able to put this behind her in six years she is unlikely to and therefore cut her losses. suggest couples therapy even if it is only to help you both come to terms with the end of the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (6 February 2010):
Hmmmm. Really? She got past it and you were happy together for 6 years and then suddenly she "realizes" she hasn't forgiven you? Sounds like a BS excuse to me. If your GF was wanting out, you gave her a great opportunity to walk away no questions asked.
I think there is more to this story. I don't think she is telling you the real reason she broke up with you. sorry, but I've never really heard of someone "un-forgiving" someone after 6 years. That's just weird. And the fact that she left you miserable and blaming yourself because she didn't want to get into whatever was really going on is kind of shady in my book. I'm so sorry you lost your love but somehow I don't think it's because of the reason she gave, so I think you should let yourself off the hook.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): I agree with starfairy, plus you do seem to have a pretty sensitive conscience, it appears it hasn't given you peace for your mistake, but after 6 years it's time to let go and forgive yourself, so you can be happy with someone else.
As for your ex, with people like these you never know when they are truly happy and what they are hiding. She should have left you earlier or should have told you that she needs you to work more at reassuring her.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (6 February 2010):
 That's a bit of a crappy thing to do...But you were together 4 months, not 4 years when you did it...6 years is a very long time for someone to be harbouring a grudge, better off without x
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A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 its one thing to cheat on your girlfriend, but with a prostitute? i honestly would have said good bye the minute you told and never looked back, i wouldn't be able to stand having sex with someone after they had been with a whore.
6 years is a long time for her to have stayed with you, and yes it may seem unfair that she kept it inside if it bothered her but you cannot blame her for your mistake.
maybe she needs time to deal with it on her own and might come back, give her space dont keep calling her just let her come to you.
does she trust you since then? it might be more then you think.. maybe she cant stand wondering if you will do it again
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