A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years and I have never let him see me naked. As you can guess, it is starting to take its toll and it is seriously affecting our relationship. The reason for myself feeling this way is that I am completely flat chested, I feel like a male. Going through puberty I wasnt as bad, but now my chest has reduced to nothing. At first I would let him have the occasional touch, but now I wont let him go anywhere near me. I know he is attracted to girls with larger breasts (from people who he is attracted too) I have spoken to him a lot over the years, but he just doesnt get it. He says I am beautiful. Although it is easier said then done to get over the fear. I am in desperate need of help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): I ve had 2 boyfriends which liked completely opposite types of women. One liked petite, slender women with small boobs. Another like tall, very athletic and very thin women. I m none of that. I m not tall, thin, petite, athletic or with small boobs.
Although I think I m far from being very muscular, I m in pretty good shape, but no one ever called me thin. I m average height, hourglass figure and large breasts. Guess what one boyfriend lasted 4 years, another one married me 20 years ago and to this day.
It takes all kinds to make the world. If you hate your boobs so much why not get a surgery? But to withdraw from intimacy it's just silly. Couple years ago I had to have a simple surgery that went wrong. 4 other surgeries followed and I was left with long scars on a lower part of my body. They heal nicely and now they are very vague, but I know they are there. It was my huge insecurity for the first year. Realizing that no one but me and my husband cann see them as they were tucked in basically between my legs, I still felt insecure and somewhat damaged. I didnt withheld sex because of it, but mentioned it several times to my husband, even asked him if it turns him off.
Fed up with it, this what he finally told me: scars don't bother me at all, I couldn't care less about few lines on your body, but what bothers me is that you talk about it all the time. Men don't pay this much attention to what bothers us. We worry about cellulite and they couldn't care less about it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 March 2013):
 my husband is attracted to petite young large breasted Asian women. I am NONE of the above.
he likes long hair on those girls but when I tried to grow my hair longer he blew a fit. HE likes it ON OTHERS NOT ON ME.
your bf knows what's going on and he's with you for six years of your "don't touch me" nonsense because he loves YOU.
It's YOU who does not love you. WE can't fix this for you... we can't even begin to help you fix this. You need to see a professional counselor to work on your self-image and self-esteem.
when I started dating my husband I had lost a lot of weight and as an older woman my skin did not rebound and was very very VERY saggy (I had reconstructive surgery 18 months ago). What I did when I felt so very unsexy was buy cute nighties (that did not cost a lot) and wore them at all times... I never had sex without a tank top or baby doll nightie on. It helped me feel better about me....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): "I have spoken to him a lot over the years, but he just doesnt get it."
I'm sorry OP but it's you who doesn't get it. He completely understands why, he's not an idiot OP, he's just never ever going to agree with you and the fact you won't let him enjoy your body is a big deal. No matter how many times to try to make him "understand" the fact is he's losing out in a huge way.
I've gone through it although I got out of the relationship sooner, this guy has had the patience of a saint. I mean come on OP, you know what we guys are like when it comes to naked women, that's our thing, it's a very big perk of having a partner. Not only do we get to see a naked woman all the time we get to play with her body.
OP nothing we can say is going to make this easier for you to do. He's probably tried every angle for 6 years its quite simply gotten to the point now, or at least it sounds like it has, that you'd rather let your fear get the best of you and would rather stay scared than dare to open up and see in real time whether your fears are justified, whether it will be that traumatic an experience for you. You'd rather just not step out of your comfort zone. Op if this is something you want to be able to do then only way you'll conquer it is by dong it. Like any phobia you just take your time and slowly do it.
Maybe start getting used to just being able to be topless around him while you're getting changed and not have to do it beach style. That would be a start, no sexual contact, no big deal made, just get comfortable being naked around him in the two minutes it takes you to get changed. once you're comfortable with that, start being naked for a little longer, no interaction, no sexual contact just the comfort of being topless in front of him for brief moments and build on that. He's been this patient OP I bet all he wants is some progress, I'm sure he'll be more than okay with you slowly getting used to this.
OP you know how to conquer fear, like fear of the sea. You dip your toes in, then you wade into knee depth, then waist, then up to your neck and you wade around until you feel comfortable going under and trying to swim.
Takes things slowly, and do it bit by bit and just ask him to ignore you and say nothing when you get changed in front of him. Do it in the dark at first if that feels better.
OP boob size doesn't matter to us, and he really wouldn't be with you for 6 years if he didn't find you supremely sexy in all ways. Conquer your fear or let it spoil your relationship, those are you two choices and if even being naked in front of him for a minute causes an intense anxiety that has physical consequences then go speak to a doctor and consider therapy.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 March 2013):
It's not like he doesn't know. All you're doing is making yourself feel comfortable at the expense of his sexual satisfaction, because after 6 years HE KNOWS.
You have two options here: learn to live with your body or get implants. Avoiding intimacy the rest of your life is not a valid option because you and your partner will never truly be happy.
You should know that your bf's attraction to big breasts is mostly instinctual. It's an easy way to see if the woman would be able to feed a baby in times of famine. It's unnecessary now, obviously, but the instinct is sometimes still there. What does that mean? He may be inexplicably drawn toward larger boobs than yours, but it doesn't mean he doesn't like yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): I'm just like you. I'm 24, and I've seen 14 year old girls with bigger boobs than me. And yes, I used to feel like I wasn't "hot" and that every other woman was hotter than me just because they had boobs. So I totally understand where you're coming from. However, I realized something that made me feel a lot better, and that is: Just because a guy has dated or been attracted to women with big boobs doesn't mean he can't possibly find a woman with small or no boobs just as attractive. I've never met one guy who didn't like variety. Sure, some have a preference for big boobs, but there are also some who prefer small. And some just don't care what size you are. My husband is that way. He says as long as a girl doesn't have implants, he doesn't care what her cup size is. I didn't believe him at first, but then I saw his reaction the first time I showed myself to him, and I knew he was telling me the truth. You can't fake a reaction like he had.
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