A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been with my partner for five years now and I honestly do love him. However recently I’ve started thinking that I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We currently live together but I’ve been wanting to move house for 12-18 months as we’re living in his parents old house, so it doesn’t really feel like my home. We’ve decorated a couple of rooms over time but it still doesn’t feel like mine, despite my name also being on the mortgage. He wants a new car and is thinking of buying one within the next couple of months, despite having just bought one in June. I just feel like he doesn’t listen to what I want despite having several conversations with him. He doesn’t want children and there’s no talk or signs of marriage with him. I just don’t want to waste my timeFirstly I want to know, how complicated is it to separate with someone when you live together? We have a mortgage, my car is in his name, I pay the bills and he pays the mortgage. I just need some guidance please as I feel very lonely and fed up with life. I don’t know what to do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2018): he sounds bored and that can be boring. I got the impression he might be bipolar with a touch of personality disorder. Anyone who wants to buy new cars (what investments!) in the space of three months and doesn't give a tootlepip about his girlfriends concerns, is bound to be slightly mad!? Shouldn't you leave that before he drives you mad? he can't buy a new you!You're so young my dear... This man/boy is dragging you through hell and you know it. There are some men who are really so selfish that they kill Love. Your man/boy has succeeded in doing this. Your feeling so desperate about your life is very sad to observe. Life is for living sensibly and you are being dragged through it - by him - insensibly. But, there is more to life than cars, mortgages and babies and insensitive lovers, isn't it time for you to explore this? Get out, if you're feeling so desperate, or stay with him and die in the loneliness. The choice is yours and yours alone. x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 OP, you can love someone and car for them and NOT be a good match long term.
I think you have reached a point where you know what you want and so does he - and those two things are not compatible.
If you want kids and marriage - he isn't for you.
I think you should look into LEGAL advice on how to split all the assets you two share and then end it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 It sounds like you love him but you are no longer in love with him! If you are having doubts then I think you need to talk to him about it. You are still quite young so am guessing you where both very young getting together and well people change.
So you want to move house, but it appears he doesn't. If it doesn't feel like home to you then that is fair enough, but why did you decide to take a mortgage out on it if you felt like this? That is a huge commitment to make.
If he wants to buy a car then am afraid that is his choice it is his money at the end off the day. You aren't married so you don't actually have a say, and am sure you can spend your money on what you like. It is clear he is happy where he is and doesn't want to move so I guess it comes down to the fact that you both want different things.
Have you asked him about marriage and what he sees in the future? Yes five years is a long time, but it appears you are both still young. If he doesn't want children and you do, well then you should walk away now, because you will only be wasting your time.
If you feel the relationship is over, then talk to him and hopefully use can work it out amicably, if not then you will need to contact a lawyer to sort out the financial side off things.
You sound very sad, and I think it is clear that you are wanting out off this relationship, so maybe seek some advice from somewhere regarding the financial side off things, and talk to him. I wish you all the luck in the world.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (27 August 2018):
 I think the main issue here is that you’re not compatible in what you both want from life in the future and currently. That’s generally what happens when you’ve been together since we were teenagers or not long after that. It is quite complicated, but you just need to make sure that you have a legal contract that explains who gets what, so there’s no confusion or animosity.
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