A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi everybody, it's Andy00.Not posted a question for a while now. Things have gotten much better for me this past month. I'm not sure why, because I don't think anything has changed. I have just felt a little stronger about the situation I have been in for sometime now; Today is the 5 month mark of the day my long distance and first ever girlfriend of 2 years broke things off with me.For a lot of the day it didn't even occur to me that today was the 5 month mark, but whenever I realized, I felt a slight change in me. I felt myself thinking about my ex more and more, and tried my best to blank in out. In the time where I have thought of her, I've thought of what things are like now, because in many ways, I feel like a bit of a loser. I'm avoiding her. I won't even sign into MSN if I see that she is online.I just don't know how to feel. I don't want to talk to her, because I don't want to hear about her life without me, because I'm sure she has been having much more fun than I have, and because I fear I will find out she has a new boyfriend, or something. On the other hand, I think about how not talking to her is such a waste of, what could have been, a good friendship, and POSSIBLY (granted, I've thought about it a lot less often for the past month or so) something further down the road together.I so often debate with myself. Even after I've typed the bit above, I'm thinking: Well, she took that chance when she broke up with me.. ect. I guess I just need some perspectives. A lot of you have followed me since I arrived here in July, and for those of you who have, I'd really like you to give your opinion.Is what I'm feeling normal in your books? Is my progress a sign that I am picking up pace down the long road to recovery? Should I continue to avoid her, or is not talking to her a great idea? Do you think she will understand why I'm not? Does avoiding her, even over MSN, make me a loser?This time, next month it will be Christmas, and I will have reached the 6th month mark, which I'm told is the average time it takes to get over somebody. Everybody goes at their own pace, but I hope that, if I don't reach the end of the road to recovery, I will be very close, and I'd jsut like to thank everybody who has pushed me towards it over this difficult time.Thanks.-Andy00
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broke up, christmas, long distance, msn, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (27 November 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I will be honest, a few months ago, I did try to maintain contact with her as friends, but all it was doing was messing me up. I suppose that why I'm concerned, because I tried, and I feel like I failed to keep it up. I wasn't strong enough. I don't know. Still, thanks to everybody for your continued support.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): You are doing such a fantastic job. You a loser?? The only way I would think that you were a loser (and utterly pathetic) is if you were still calling her and trying to get back with her and not facing reality. But you have done no such thing. She breaks up with you and you have been so PROUD and STRONG. I mean you are so far from being a loser. You are a strong, proud person. Nothing about you is losery.
And you avoiding her does not make you a loser at all. What would make you a big loser is if she signed on and you were quick to try to chat with her and acting like that. But you are doing what any normal, cool, proud, person with tons of dignity and coolness would do if they were broken up with. So keep it up and keep doing what you are doing.
And you will get over her soon enough. I think the biggest challenge for me when I break up is being real proud. That in itself gives me tons of self esteem and makes me feel like a better stronger person. So you are on the right track.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Hi Andy,
Sorry love, but your not there yet. You still need to avoid her.
You can read between the lines in your letter that you still struggle with the fact you split and cannot stand the thought of reading about her life without you.
Only when you know, that you dont care what or who she is with, can you truly say you are over her. This takes time, untortunatly. There are no rules to this.
Richard is absolutly right. Look forward to the future, and forget the past. Its the only way.
It will get better, I can promise you that.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (26 November 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much. Richard, I will take all that into account. Glad you are pushing through as well.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Hi Andy. I have been going through the same thing, I broke up in January. Don't expect it to be like a smooth downward curve on a graph. It still gets a bit spiky some days, gaphically speaking!! I filled my life up, and I am enjoying it, but I still get the odd moment.
I have no hesitation in telling you to avoid her. Any contact will just bring it all back, maybe not quite as strong, but it could knock you back weeks. Evaluate it logically, there is nothing to be gained and a lot to lose. I know why you want to do it - so do I sometimes, but I'm old enough to know what will happen. Keep doing what you've been doing - no contact. Focus on the future - not the past.
Richard
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