A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a very sexy man two months ago through a friend of mine.i am 50 he is 45.We had very passionate sex on our 3rd meeting,but afterwards he told me he didin't want a relationship,and he hadn't had one for 10 years. I'v had only 2 partners in 25 years,both of whom where a bit lame about sex. This new guy has brought out the sex kitten in me,because he has no inhibitions.He loves sex and he knows how to deliver.I am so turned on just thinking about him.But now I am confused because now he feels I want more than he can give. He doesn't want to 'know me' or give too much away.Often he won't reply to my texts.(we never phone,only text) I feel too old for this juvenile behaviour.I just want a normal relationship,without all the shit that goes with it.(although I have never expressed how I really feel)But I yearn the sex he gives me.He says we are only compatible in bed.I know from my friend he has spent 10 years behaving like this with women.I am so confused and a bit hurt and He won't let me know him,and he won't make an effort to know me.What can I do ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Kaylagal.Ihave put this behind me now.Perhaps we can all be foolish sometimes,but not anymore !
Thank you Irish 49,You gave me the kind of advice a good friend would give.You were straight to the point,calling it a silly pursuit,but didn't make me feel undermined.
Pointing out ,and he had control over me by blurring boundaries and not letting me into his world made me realise how I had let him have it all his way.
So thank you for your extra words of encouragement over possible future dating.I will certainly take your advice.
I have already moved on and put an end to this behaviour.thank you. X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Sex is the most intimate act you can do with another person. And for many women..emotional feelings get engaged far too quickly. That is why a lot of females hold off on the sex thing until, they know the fellow really well...usually a few months. So you need to stop desiring this man..he's dragging you down!
This man is a player. He has told you he's not interested in a relationship. But you still want to know what to do? Stop pining for him! Kaylagal suggested that it's highly likely he has a string of other women and I agree with her! So you need to accept that it's a huge possibility and the sooner you can see this, the sooner you can give yourself permission, to finally realize he's not the guy for you! So stop this silly pursuit..stop allowing him to have this much control on your life and feelings. Get this man out of your system. He doesn't care and you need to be strong and stop caring as well. If he did care, he'd be texting, emailing, phoning,..he'd be in contact and he'd let you into his world. But he's not doing that. There is your way out. He made the comment that this relationship is not exclusive, so the boundries are lost and that is the the way he likes it. So with that in mind, the possibility of a relationship is gone too.
Get out and date other men...and don't have sex with them so readily. So many people think dating is synonomous with sex. It's not! Dating is the process of two people getting to know each other. and becoming friends. They continue forward as long as it feels right. They stop when it feels not right. Start to trust your feelings and trust yourself. There are much more decent fellows out there! You have to look harder and don't give up the goods so quickly. Take your time and become that woman who prizes herself above just any man's urges. And after you do this and give yourself a fresh new start, the right man will come along who will respect you for the self-dignified, decent person you are. And it's then, you will be exactly what he is looking for. Take care, hun and drop this 'bonehead' stud...a man who only values what goes on south of his belt buckle. Sheesh! No loss there, move on!
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A
female
reader, kaylagal  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 I've made a lot of mistakes and been a big fool. Yes, I have been in a similar situation - and like you I haven't had a lot of partners either. That was my downfall coz I didn't have the skills. I can't give you my life story but the advice I gave you was so you could avoid any heartache and off course being a fool - like me.
Sorry.
K
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfor kaylagal,
thank you for your brutal honesty.It really hurt me,but a slap in the face is what has ultimately helped me.
However,I get the feeling that you have never been in this situation because you gave no understanding of how I might feel.
Perhaps the part about only having two partners in 25 years would give you an insight to my naivety over men who don't want to commit.
For 'male reader anon.' thank you also,your kind words were like a back rub after the harsh answer I got from my first person.
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A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (11 March 2009):
The man told you, he only wants sex. He doesn't want a relationship with you, he doesn't want to know you or have you know him. he doesn't respond to your texts coz I'm sure they are filled with small talk. The only text he wants to respond to is a booty call text.
I do, however, respect him coz he's honest.
You clearly want a relationship and you're definitely not getting into one with him. He's good in bed coz sleeping with different women is all he does. You are probably one of the many women he's sleeping with right now.
What can you do - well you can walk away and just count your losses. Stop texting and trying to get to know him coz you're now bordering on stalking and being needy.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): I don't think you're doing yourself any favors chasing him.
He's been honest with you (I hope before the sex and not just after) about what his intentions are. He's not in it for a relationship. There is not much more you can ask of him now.
If you keep after him he might keep sleeping with you, but you won't be able to turn it into a relationship that way. You'll just keep wanting something from him emotionally that he will just keep not delivering.
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