A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was asked to leave by my former boyfriend of 4 years 3 weeks ago. I left, packed my life into boxes. I had relocated, enrolled into college and generally uprooted myself for this guy, and after doing so much for him and his family, that is how he repaid me, stating his feelings had changed, and he didn't love me like a partner anymore, rather just as a friend.Since the break up he has been up and down with me, being nice to me one day and then the next saying how great his life is on Facebook statuses, he doesn't give it a second's thought that this would be a kick in the teeth to me. He was 'hurting' for mere days it seems, and now just goes out drinking 3 nights a week. As much as I realise the break up was inevitable due to other problems that happened in the relationship, (his consant battle with depression and erection/PE issues and general dis-interest in me or the relationship), I can't help but feel he is being cold hearted and selfish in this. I have been really amicable and have been civil throughout but its's making it really frustrating as he seems to be celebrating that i've gone. I was a good girlfriend, he said as much, i did everything right, i stood by him and did so much. Why would he behave like this? It's like he is a different person. I feel lied to and that maybe I should have put up more of a fight and not made it so easy for him.I'm feeling better day by day, and have started dating again, someone I know from a 5-6 years ago, that I dated for 6 months. I have been completely honest with this guy, and he's been very understanding and isn't pressuring me in any way.I realise it's soon to move on, but the last 12 months of my previous relationship felt like I was on my own anyway.As much as I would prefer to keep a friendship with my ex as I may see him when I commute for college, he is making things difficult. Friends and family are pretty disgusted by his actions and how he has handled the situation, including his own Mum and Brother. I guess any advice from an outsider's view would help. Thankyou for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2015): Thank you for your replies, (I'm the original poster of this question.) I followed your advice and cut all contact.
Just thought i'd update you after you kindly left me such helpful and lovely messages. Hopefully you'll see this!
I'm still dating the 'new guy'! I'm due to graduate college in a few months time, I've settled into a job, saved for & bought my dream car, and we will be moving to the city soon for a fresh start. Everything is just fantastic!
Thank you again for your kind wishes. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): I know it hurts but consider him staying with you but not really being into you as being a much worse alternative (or cheating). Sometimes things don't work out. These are the hard facts of life. And now, you have to let time heal these wounds and go through all the negative emotions this entails. This guy doesn't sound all that great, in fact, he has a whole host of problems. By him leaving, you now have your life open to the possibility of finding and meeting a man who will love you and not have all the issues.Move on, keep it cordial, it's his issues so don't make it yours. Remember, no one is perfect and neither is he. Perhaps he thought he could give you more than he could but at least he had the decency to end it knowing it was over for him. That being said, I feel for you, break ups are hard. Lots of well wishes through this wire.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (11 August 2014):
 Sometimes it seems like a bit of compassion, courtesy and basic decency is pretty hard to come by... One minute things seem wonderful, then they switch and unleash their full colours. You can't do anything to change the fact that this guy is an emotionally stunted t*at. When someone treats you badly, you dwell endlessly because you think that because someone sees fit to treat you like that, it's hurtful to almost believe you DESERVE that treatment.? But you DONT. It's just unfortunate that at some point everyone gets involved with a jerk, or five...We've all been discarded/ abused in some way in relationships. People are sh*ts. He sounds selfish, uncaring, thoughtless and a just an immature pr*ck. he can carry on hiding behind computer screens posting nasty little messages, and acting like a stupid child. This is how he deals with life- with you. It's not personal. Don't waste time dwelling because you can never see what's in someone's head, why they do what they do, whatever they do. There's nothing more to be said really... And if you DO need to say one last thing for closure, send it one last message - the n CUT HIM OFF. Well done for getting back on your feet so quickly, nobody's worthy to bring you down and unfortunately to completely get over him it will take TIME. However get it all out, sharing with friends, not bottling things up, and embracing your own life, whatever you need to do, will immensely speed up process. Not always easy though.Take care and good luck, remember the only way to completely let go emotionally is to literally let go of all ties- cut him off, no contact. :) x
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (11 August 2014):
 I don't think the possibility of seeing him on a commute is a good reason to keep someone like this in your life. Perhaps the most telling part of your post is the part where his own family thinks he did wrong by you. People will often overlook many things in the name of blood ties and the fact that his mother and brother think his behavior overrides any need to side with him or even maintain neutrality about it speaks volumes: excuse my language, but it appears you were dating a douchebag.
So let me ask you this: what do you stand to gain from a friendship with this guy, besides a lack of closure and "friend" who has shown willingness to hurt you and toy with your emotions? As long as you allow him to be part of your life (even as a friend) you are sabotaging your current (and any future) relationships. Four years is a lot to move on from already, and it's not fair to your new partner that you hang on to shreds of a prior relationship. You don't need to be rude or vindictive to your ex about it, but you probably shouldn't stay in any kind of contact with him, either.
You sound like a good person and this is definitely his loss, even if he doesn't see it. Time to move on and put your (whole) heart into a relationship where you are appreciated, whether that's this new one or one you establish in the future.
Good luck and best wishes!
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