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male
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writes:I met Susan in September 2007. We worked at the same company but different departments. She was 21 and I was 38. During the course of the year there seemed to be an attraction based on common interests.I broke up in December.We went out about 4 times from January to July but things remained friendly and light.She left the company in July but we kept in touch.I called her a few days ago and we set up a dinner date last Saturday(day was her suggestion).Dinner was fine but when I suggested drinks afterwards she commented that it was late and that it would be later when I got her back home.She is now 22 and I am 39.I haven't attempted to put any moves on her but I am pretty sure she knows that I like her.However, she seems very "green" concerning men and our age difference worries me.I am balking at asking her out again as I think she may not be attracted to me.On the other hand, she may expect me to make a move as she is not experienced or appears not to be.What do you think?Thanks,
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): You know what, it's her choice. Yes people may give you funny looks, like me people may not understand why she wants to a date a guy 20yrs older but If you like her and she seems intrested, ask her out. Don't worry about the age diffrence, if she's not then you shouldnt.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Wow, reading your post I felt like I was reading my own life. I am 22, soon to be 23. When I was 20 I met a man whom I was instantly attracted to and whom was very interested in me; he was 39 at the time. We had a strong chemistry, common interests and work in the same field. However because of our distance from each other (I live in the US and he lives in France) and because I was significantly much younger than he, he decided not to move forward in a relationship with me.I haven't seen him for about 3 years but we have kept in touch now and then and unfortunately I have never forgotten him or found someone new. After our meeting, as more time passed we both developed mixed feelings about our situation. And, because he sent me mixed messages about his desires and intentions I know now I will never trust him enough to be honest about my feelings. But that's my sad story...You ask a large question, "where can it go?" The answer is that it can go wherever you both want. I don't feel that age is a very defining detail of a person's maturity or character. Maturity is not necessarily something that comes with age but experience, observation and considerable insight. If you have enough common interests, share the same values, and have compatible ideas of the future you want then you both can be the architects of the future you share.She certainly doesn't have as much dating experience as you do so you may have to take the initiative of making the first few moves and be honest about how you feel. Although, maybe your "green" comment referred more to a sexual maturity? This is the bottom line, you should date someone on the premise of who they are. Only you get to decide what matters. The one catch is that because you are older, you will have to have certain conversations sooner than she is probably use to (i.e. marriage, kids, long term goals...). You will have to make sure that you are both on the same page despite your age difference. My advice, go for it. You must really like her if you are troubled enough to come here for advice. Just go for it and see what happens. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you will have closure on the subject. I wish you the best of luck!!!!!!! She is a lucky girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): eh my boyfriend is 39 and i am 21, he is definetly more concerned about our age difference than i am, even though i am really going to be the one that has to deal with the repercussions of it.
i needed a lot of flirtation at the begining to realize he was really into me, and wasn't just checking me out and wanted some young ass. now i know that he wants to be with me for me and cares for me very deeply, and i have all the faith in the world be will make it.
and the longer i am in this realtionshop the more people i get to know who share there stories with me, or maybe a family members story , and now i actually know a lot of couples that have been together for over 20 yrs and with even bigger differences, even up to 31 yr difference.it nice to know they made it work.
so yeah go for it, and take it up a notch, but she might not just be that open, but she made a date with you on a saturday night so maybe she is just riding the fence needing a nudge. just don't be overly zealous, just make sure she gets the idea.
i finally caved when he said he would regret not kissing me for the rest of his life.
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