A
male
age
41-50,
*arri
writes:I'm really sorry, but this is going to take some reading. Hope that's alright :)First of all a bit of background: I have very little experience with women, and am a fairly shy person. I'm a 33 year old guy, and have been told that I'm not bad looking, look young for my age and that I'm a really nice person. I don't know how true this is but it's what I've been told. I was 27 when I had my first girlfriend/partner. The relationship lasted 2 years and I've been single since it ended 4 years ago.I'm not worried or negative about my lack of success with women, it sometimes gets me down, but I'm mostly fairly positive.I've been going to regular (4 times a week) exercise classes for the last year, where the same group of about 12 - 15 people attend. Everyone there is really friendly and I get on well with them all.So here's what's happened:There's a girl who goes to the same classes as me, who joined at more or less the same time that I did (April 2012).She's 26, so admitidly 7 years younger than me. I was instantly attracted to her, I found her breath-takingly beautiful, funny, and a brilliantly individual person. So consequently I was unable to say little more than "hello", "goodbye" and "how are you" to her. This didn't surprise me and I got on with being a friendly casual acquaintance of hers, safe in the knowledge that she would probably remain utterly clueless about how I felt. I wouldn't say I was happy about it, but I was comfortable with it. I've been there before so I'm used to it.One evening back in March we happened to be leaving the gym at the same time, so we had a brief chat on the way to the car park. As coincidence would have it our cars were parked next to each other. It was pitch black and freezing cold, and yet 40 minutes later we were still stood outside next to our cars talking. Can't deny, I was quite surprised by this. It turned out that we were both big rugby fans. I asked her if she wanted to catch a game sometime and she said yes!!! She gave me her number and asked me to send her a text as she didn't have her phone with her.Unfortunately I knew there weren't any games locally for at least 2 weeks. But I didn't want to lose the chance to see her outside the gym. I'd discovered during our conversation that she was a teacher and had the easter holidays coming up. I also found out that we were both really active people who liked trying adveturous sports/passtimes.The next time I saw her I took a chance and asked her if she was free one day in the Easter Holidays we could maybe go out and do something together. This was way out of my comfort zone, and I was convinced she'd say no. But she said yes.So we I looked for some activities and to cut a long story short we decided to go coasteering (google it, it's awesome!!!)in Pembroke for the day the following week. Things were going better than I could have ever hoped. She's a pretty busy person, because she also works another part time job and has a large extended familly that she spends a lot of time with, but we texted each other everyday.The confusion: A few days before we were due to go out for the day she got in touch with me and asked me if I fancied meeting up for the afternoon and going out for a walk. Obviously I jumped at the chance, as this would be the first time I'd seen her outside of the gym.So we met up and went out. We talked continuosly for the 3 hours we were out and time flew by. It was fantastic. However, by the time I drove her back to her house and we said goodbye there was no indication that this had been anything other than two friends hanging out. So I had no idea if I'd just been on a date.I sent her a text the next day to thank her for a lovely time, and decided that I'd ask her if she'd like to meet up again before we went coasteering. To my surprise she said yes.We went to see a film, we talked and laughed beforehand, and then towards the end of the film I thought she seemed to be leaning closer to me, so I went to put my arm around her. Her reaction was not good. She looked at me and said "let's just pretend that didn't happen". I felt a bit humiliated, but decided to brush it off and do what she said and "pretend it didn't happen". When you've been single as long as me it's not too much of a problem. I was sure at this point she saw me as a friend and not as a potential boyfriend.The film finished, we left and talked and had a laugh as if nothing had happened. We went for food. Then things got a bit more confusing. The waitress asked if we wanted dessert, and she asked if I would share one with her. I said of course I would, so we wound up eating a dessert off the same plate. Which seemed a bit weird after the rejection in the cinema.I drove her home, leaned in to kiss her good night and was met with her cheek as opposed to her lips.Three days later we were off to Pembroke. It was a 2.5 hour drive there and the same back, so 5 hours in total. We had an amazing day, one of the best days of my life. We didn't stop talking the whole time. We stopped at a restaraunt on the way home. I drove her home, she gave me the briefest kiss on the lips (not more than a peck) and said goodbye. So I'd made a friend. Nothing wrong with that. It was dissapointing and not exactly what I wanted, but it wasn't the end of the world either.However, when I got home there was a text from her thanking me for the best date ever. As you can imagine, I was so happy. Iwasn't sure if we'd been on 3 dates, but we'd definately been on 1.We were in touch via text everyday for just over a week and then 10 days after the coasteering we went for breakfast and fianlly got around to going to our first rugby match together. It was another great day out. It ended the same way a very brief peck on the lips but that was enough to keep me convinced that this was going somewhere.The Monday night 3 days later was spent at my place. We watched a dvd cuddled up together on the sofa sharing a tub of ben and jerrys. But she left really abruptly at 10pm. I underastood why, because she was up for work at 6am the next day, whereas I work a lot closer to home and can start later. To be honest I was a bit disapointed with myself. I had ample opportunity to "make a move" and couldn't build up the courage to do it. But I've kind of comforted myself with the fact that I've got further than I ever expected I would.Last Thursday we went out for what would be our 6th date. Went to see a film and get some food. It was fun, we had a good time, but once again, when it came to saying goodnight all I managed to do was kiss her on the cheek. I did hold her hand for a bit during the film and she seemed alright with that.We went out again for breakfast this morning. It was great. we discussed going out for a days rock climbing in the next couple of weeks. I know that breakfast on a Sunday morining isn't the most romantic of things to do, but we had to fit it around her work. When we'd finished I dropped her off at work, kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye.My question:So here's my question(s)...... am I in a relationship? I want to be. I really like this girl. I really like her a lot. As I've said before, she's beautiful, funny, unapoloagtically herself in all situations, tomboyish (which I love)..... basically she ticks all of my boxes. I've left her in no doubt that I think she's beautiful and amazing in everyway. I've made sure she knows how much I enjoy spending time with her. She keeps agreeing to go out with me. So I'm guessing she must be interested? I'm assuming I must be doing something right? We've cuddled up together to watch a film at my place, held hands in the cinema on Thursday and been out again today. But I still feel like we're not together.I'm terrified of trying to kiss her properly and her then freaking out or telling me that she thought we were just friends.I'm just after some reassurance really. Am I doing the right thing? I'm always respectful so I wouldn't want to offend her.I suppose it comes down to my lack of expeience. I've no idea how to read this situation. In my only other relationship, it was her who asked me out and took the lead, so in this situation I'm basically clueless.I don't really have any friends that I can ask.Any help, advice or words of wisdom would be really appreciated because I want this to work out so much.Thanks for taking the time to read :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (29 April 2013):
Everything you're saying implies she likes you... It sounds like she's interested. I have to admit, I'm totally confused about the pretend that never happened statement.
What I'd do if I was you is ask her. The next time things are going well just have a brief talk with her, tell her you've had a great time with her but you're confused about the mixed signals.
I think you have something here but if you don't start progressing you might lose her interest.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2013): From a woman's stand point, there's a lot of possibilities here. -She could just want to be friends with you and if that's the case kissing you on the mouth was thoughtless of her because it does show she's interested.-She could have been in a bad relationship and could be apprehensive about getting in another.-She could just want to take things slow until she gets to know you better/feels more comfortable with you.-She could be just as inexperienced as you are.-She could just be using you. If she starts asking for loans run away quick.-She could have a boyfriend.You may not want to because you don't to scare her away, but you really should just ask her what's going on. Ask her if there's a chance things are going any further or if she just wants to be friends.
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