A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 3 years with one child and had the "perfect" honeymoon stage; but for the last year it has been heading straight down hill. Like any other marriage, it has needed it's work; but has been neglected on her end. We attended marriage counseling for 1 year after about 18 monthes of marriage with no success. Obvious problems were she is 8 years younger and we married after 3 monthes of dating. As usual, I exhaust all my efforts again for this coming weekend (Valentine's Day) and plan on us leaving for a 2.5 days trip on a romantic Amtrack trip. Her response, "I don't want to be away from my dogs that long and my horses would miss me." I am tired of being on the back burner with our daughter and the only one trying to keep our vows alive. What are your suggestions? Thank You Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 February 2010):
 You must be thinking, how did a perfect romance turn into an overworked, stressful household? I see that there are too many distractions, obligations in the family and you are missing the one on one time. Ask your wife, who's more important, the dogs, horses, or you? But realize that a mini vacation is just a temporary fix. Whenever you have 30 minutes free time each day, do you surf on the net, or go to separate rooms to read, or immerse yourself playing with your child? Is there a reason why you might be avoiding each other? I think you have to be vulnerable to tell her you have intimate needs and want to be appreciated for all the things you do. Couples can argue day in and day out, but without intimacy a relationship can deteriorate very quickly. If she said the horses might miss her, tell her you miss the honeymoon stage with her and that it hurts to see that she cares about animals more than you. Commit to touch each other gently and with full intent for at least 20 minutes a day. If she doesn't appreciate this idea you may want to question, did she just use you only as a sperm donor and financial backup? You are more than just a busy family. People often get caught up on problems and stress that they forgot to express gratitude, and to enjoy each other's company. I hope you do get on the Amtrack trip and that she can leave her daily stress behind.
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