A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiMyself and my ex split up nearly 3 years ago. We have a little boy who is 3 and my ex left me with what I think was post natal depression though Im not 100% sure. She said she left because I wa at the pub all the time...Which I wasnt!!I absolutely love her to pieces and miss both of them immensely. I had a brief relationship last year hoping it wouldhelp me get over my ex....It didnt and this summer me and my ex started having days out etc and spending time together with the kids. I also have a daughter of 12 who i have had custody of for 3 years. We spoke of getting back etc etcThings went cold for a couple of months and now Ihave nearly ended up having a nervouse breakdown over it. I dont think my ex realises what this is doing to me and just how much she means to me. She now tells me she has no feelings for me. Im very confused and feel she is to. Do you think this I should stick to my guns and try and win her back? I do love and miss her so much.Many ThanksJay.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 Raising a baby on your own is hard work. You may not think that you were at the pub too much, but it seems like SHE thought so enough to leave over it. When you have a new baby AND post-partum depression, having a partner who still gets out once in a while and has a semi-normal life was enough to send her over the edge. She felt like she needed more from you. Playing words games - Yes you were - No I wasn't - Yes you were - frankly, isn't going to clear that up. Actions speak louder than words. Your actions showed her that you didn't care about how she felt. It's really that simple. She says now that she has no feelings for you. That may or may not be true, she could just be burnt out and tired of waiting for you to step up to the plate. Instead of insisting that she should meet your needs emotionally, you should just stick your neck out and start doing a lot of the grunt work where your child is involved, without asking and not expecting any thanks. Just start bringing the child to day care, getting the diapers, baby-sitting, doing Saturdays, doing weekends, anything that gives her a break and shows her that you are being a good father. That is how you show a person that you care. It's the only way I can think of that you might win her back. The way to her heart is through being a really devoted, supportive and reliable dad. There isn't a downside to this plan of action. If you don't wind up getting back with your ex after this, you will still be better friends with the mother of your child and have won back her respect, and you will be closer to your son.
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