A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:3 years, that's how long me and my ex-girlfriend were together before we broke up 2 weeks ago. We were in love, madly in love. Although we were only allowed to hang out 2-3 days a week dued to her family, there has not been a single day where we didn't talk on the phone. We dreamt of having our own house where we can just cuddle on the couch, watch 'The notebook', cook a nice meal, then fall alseep in each other's arms. We cared about each other, we loved like theres no tomorrow... until this dude flew into our fairy tale...This dude is really flirty and he's a playa, my ex-gf is also very flirty but she is not the kind of girl that would just throw herself out there. Yes, we lost our virginity to each other. And no, she did not cheat on me. We broke up cuz she said she likes him. It sucks, this sucks. She is exactly like Summer in 500 days of summer. She just woke up one day after being in a 3 years relationship and just 'knew' what she wasn't sure of with me. Know what really sucks? Realizing everything you believed in is just complete utter bullshit, destiny... soul mates... true love... and all that childhood fairy tale nonsense...I can't hate her a tiny little bit even after she abandoned our relationship for a playa with nothing but a good-looking face. It sucks that she is happy without me, but at the same time I'm happy to see her smiling. It's unfair and i miss her very much. We are still good friends, and in fact, she takes the initiatives to try and start a conversation. I really want to be friends... but everytime i start talking to her... I tear up in silent, put up a fake smile, and force myself to sound happy so she wouldn't blame herself for what she did. I guess what i really need help on is...Since I'm trying to get over her, should i just completely detach myself from her and not be friends at all? Should I just ignore her calls/aim/texts? I still wanna be friends... but i miss her so much it hurts everytime we talk... Should I accept her back if she ever asks to make up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys, i really really really appreciate every single input. Thank you all for taking your precious time out and writing these helpful responses. You are right, I won't have the same confidence and trust anymore if i get back with her. 3 years... gone... oh well, at least I know it will heal in time and i'll be stronger. ty guys
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Of course you should ignore this bitch. Unfortunately you learned the hard way that part of loving someone means giving them the power to destroy you and trusting that they won't do it. Unfortunately for you she did it. Now there is no need for you to even be friends with each other. My recommendation: a long break from town, do not tell her where you are going or when, get some time to pull yourself together and forget her. Upon you return, do not contact her, ignore her and put her out of your life.
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male
reader, RodrigoViz  +, writes (2 December 2009):
Hey man, I know EXACTLY where you are right now.If you check my questions you will see my situation, you see I realized....and was feeling really unconfident, that all of the relationship time, all of the nice romantic gestures you may have done for her, all the effort you put in to make her feel special and then be able to have a relationship.....all of that although it MAY seem the other way is not going to compare to just a pretty face that took the easy road, I know it happened to me too, my ex started a relationship with a guy she made out with the first night she met, I know that would make anyone feel so....replaceable? maybe worthless, but believe me you are not, in fact I bet that she is thinking about that a lot, and my advice (as I would do to) is to just lose contact with her for a while, distract yourself with sports, friends go out, meet new people, maybe when you are a little bit more over her you will look back and just laugh at it. If she eventually asks you back, I would not recommend it for two reasons: You will never trust or see her the same way again because you wondered what happened, how she didnt take your feelings into consideration, the other is because no one deserves to be anyones fall back plan if things dont go right with the new guy because maybe he turned out to be a douche. My advice is try to move on, try whenever you think about her, think about something else, force your mind, it worked wonders for me.Like I said just get distracted and when least expected someone else really great is going to come into your life that actually respects you and cares about you the same way you do, I know that may sound "impossible" for you at the moment but believe me, in time.....everything gets better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): And one more thing. If she eventually wants to get back I wouldn't do it. No way.
I would not be surprised if she gets tired of trying to deal with this bad boy pretty fast. But the emotional damage of her leaving you like this won't be going ANYWHERE for years to come, if it ever does leave at all. You will probably still suffer from picturing her screwing this other guy for years to come, and that's even if you never get back with her again. Let alone if you try to take her back.
Things will never be like they were so I say don't punish yourself trying to make it happen. She made her choice. She might change her mind back in a week or a month or a year, but that doesn't mean a damn thing for how long YOU will be impacted by her choices. This is real life. Respect yourself or nobody else ever will. All the love in the world from her isn't enough without getting the respect you deserve too.
Could you ever take her back and have the same confidence about your relationship that you used to? Could you ever feel as special in her eyes again after she has screwed this other jerk until it wasn't fun anymore? Could you ever regain the same self-respect that you would have if you didn't take her back? The same self-respect that you DID have before she broke up with you? No way. I lay my bets that you won't ever feel that good again until you build a new relationship with a new girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): I know it probably doesn't seem like a decent thing to do if you try to just drop each other like a bad habit. But severely limiting your contact with her is the best thing for you now. I have seen this shit before. Been there and done that.
You are in a very good position to get hurt worse by dragging this out. You still want her right now. She will still want the emotional support of your relationship. I know it's tempting to continue like things have been, but that's because YOU never wanted to change anything in the first place. She changed things whether you wanted to change them or not. You have to change too.
If you continue to give her a lot of daily interaction and stuff, then it's sort of like if you dumped her but she kept sleeping with you. You would be continuing to get a major benefit of the relationship without "paying for it" anymore.
If you keep being her close friend and confidant like you have been, then she's still getting a lot of the benefits of having you without paying for it anymore. And just like what happens when the girl keeps giving sex to her ex, it will only make it easier for her to enjoy the new guy while prolonging the hurt of the breakup process for you.
Don't fall into this trap. Nut up and cut down your contact with her a whole lot. It's not fun, but you are just dragging out your own hurt (and being her doormat) if you stay close to her now. Im not saying be a dickhead to her, but she has broken things off with you so you are not what you used to be to her. Don't try to continue to be something that she is telling you is over.
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 December 2009):
I've been in this situation. My girlfriend told me she loved me one week, then the next, dumped me for someone who then cheated on her five times. The best thing to do is to cut all contact. That's what I did, and I was able to move on with my life far more quickly and find someone who was better. I'm sure you're hurting, and you've been left confused, but if you focus on yourselfm, stay strong and make sure you're meeting new people, staying busy and not just sitting around waiting for her, you'll start to move forward and be able to meet someone who won't leave you and will love you. Focus on yourself for a while, and cut all contact. The longer you remain in contact, the more time it will take for you to get over her. All the best.
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