A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, ok so here is my problem. It sounds strange but I don't know if I love my boyfriend anymore?We've been together about 3 years. We had our ups and downs with a little breakup in between. He was always a little immature and never would look ahead at the big picture of the future. He was bad at managing money, and took me for granted big time. He started acting disrespectful, didn't want to spend time with me, would always leave me out of events with his friends that he used to take me to. If I brought up the subject he would laugh it off, or say "sorry it wont happen again", or sometimes he would get super angry and start screaming at me that it's my fault saying it was because I was boring and anything I wanted to do was "boring". He would lie to my face about where he was going, saying he was going out for groceries or going to see his family when he was actually going out partying with friends and whatnot.I got tired of it and broke up with him. He spent the next 3 months trying to win me back. We would hang out occasionally and he went out of his way to take me places, buy me cute gifts, started bringing me out with his friends again etc. So right now we are back together. He tells me everyday how much he loves me and that this lesson showed him how important I am to him and that he can't wait to marry me, get a house and start a family, that he wants to grow old with me etc. Now 6 months ago hearing that from him would floor me. I would have loved it. But ever since the times of him being so cold and disrespectful to me it just doesnt feel the same. He always wants to kiss and hold me and do stuff. I like when he holds my hand, hugs me, holds me when we are laying in bed. BUT...I am repulsed whenever he wants to kiss me or do anything sexual. What is going on with me? Is that a sign that I dont love him anymore?I tried talking to him about it once and he started crying so hard. He says he cant live without me and that im the best thing to ever happen to him and he doesnt want to lose me. He wants to keep trying saying he knows he can make me happy again. I feel so bad and I dont know what to do. I WANT to be able to feel like I used to with him. But I just dont trust him anymore that this behaviour isnt going to come back. The passion is gone and even though I like spending time with him I just have no urge whatsoever to kiss him or anything.So if anyone has any tips on what to do like if there is a way to determine for myself if the relationship is worth saving and if I can get back to loving him like I used to that would be great. Or if not if anyone has ways to figure out how to move on and be able to tell someone that loves you so much that it just wont work anymore? Thanks
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female
reader, pineapple24  +, writes (24 September 2009):
I am having the exact same problem! I havent got back together with my ex yet but he is trying soo hard! I dont know what to do!
A
female
reader, luckystars88  +, writes (10 September 2009):
you shouldnt have to try to love someone. love is a natural feeling not one to be forced... if you dont want to completely loose him then just tell him you need to keep it at a friendship level right now. you should be friends with someone before you marry them anyway so i'd say thats a good place to start. even if it hurts him you should move on if you dont have feelings for him anymore. life is short so you shouldnt waste it with someone your not in love with. ive been married just over a year to a guy ive been with for about 3 and a half and falling out of love. so i know how you feel and how hard it is but its better than the discomfort of being with someone that your not happy with. you can feel that same love with someone else. its not a dead end if its not with him.
hope that helped a little. good luck
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