A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need help guys...VERY confused right now! So Iv been in a relationship for a year now. Knew this guy all along, but we were never really friends, although i know he used to like me a lot. I left town for higher studies,got back, we got in touch and now we'r together. This guy is really sweet to me...almost perfect. The only problem with him was, whenever I asked him about his past (and i know he was in a relationship which didn't end well), he just clamped up. He absolutely didn't want to talk about it, not even mention it. Honestly, I found that a little weird, because Iv had a couple of awful relationships as well, but I'm over them...and while talking about them is not my favorite thing, I dont mind it if someone asks me about all that.Yesterday I asked him something about his ex, and he just flared up. I wanted to get him to talk and open up, because I dont mind his past...Iv had mine too.When I asked him why he's so bitter about it still, he said..."i still cant believe she could do this to me. How could I let someone take so much advantage of me"...and stuff like that.I was taken aback...because this is what one normally says right after a break-up....not something that a person says after 3 years of breaking up!! Apparently he still cant believe how much she "used" him and then just left him. (I know...nobody can ever use you, unless you allow them to). Anyway, when i tried talking to him about it, all these pent up emotions just came tumbling out, which he had never discussed with anyone. He says he hates the girl, but the "way she manipulated him" hurt him a lot. Seems to me, he is still not over that break-up, yet he loves me!!How is that even possible??? What am i supposed to do in this situation?? If we had had this talk before we got into the relationship and were still in the "friends" phase, it would have been ok. But I dont think that as his girlfriend now, its in anyway normal to help him get over his ex!!What should I do??I dont want to be the consolation prize and I certainly dont want such a messed up person. Do you think its normal for a person to behave like this? What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): 10-15 years after a painful breakup of a serious relationship, marriage or otherwise, people often have a lot of unresolved anger.
Forgiving the other person is hard, but necessary, no matter what.
If you don't forgive that person, and carry that anger, buried or not, then it intrudes into future relationships, and how you deal with issues in those relationships.
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