A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 28 and still dont know what I am, so my question is when does the big relation happen where I'm like "nope I'm straight" or "bi" or "definitely gay" how long will I stay confused?A started having fantasies about men when i was young, always felt like I was interested. Watched gay porn before straight porn, but in a quest to fit in got a girlfriend and lost my virginity, i remember the whole time as she was trying to get the condom on me thinking I hope i actually like girls and stay hard, I did and it was good. I've had sex and other encouters with many girls and still can and do, sometimes its hard, sometimes its just about workable, never is it solid, bulging. I had my first gay encounter when I was 16, oral, met several times and after a while gave in to lost my gay virginity, since then I've been with more men then women in both full sex and just oral. When I'm with a man I'm never worried about being hard, I'm always bulging, like no bend. I was once enjoying myself so much inside a man I screamed out "holy fuck im so gay" as I finished. But preconditing is a man and a women so I've always felt bad after having gay sex... So is that it, do I need to find a way of accepting myself and then will come the big reveal? But I question everyday then why I can still perform and enjoy straight sex, so Bisexual?Quick facts:I find both men and women attractive, women more attractive to look at, men more sexually exciting. I'm harder with most men then with women. I stay harder for longer after finishing with a women though. I've only got romantic interests for women, could not imagine telling a guy I love him or blah blah blah. I've not yet bottomed but badly want to (something which I never wanted to do untill recently but obviously haven't had any gay sex since covid came about)I only watch gay, lesbian or trans porn, never straight. I pleasure my ass daily since my urges to bottom So that's that, unsure, I mean I'd assume Bi but I question whether I'm just lying to myself about women and its all pre conditioning, any thoughts are welcome! Stay safe
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2021):
 I'm not sure what you are confused about.
You like men AND women.
You don't do RELATIONSHIPS with men because a relationship involves emotions. For you, sex don't. All you need is a hard on. (If I read you right).
So, you have to figure out WHAT you want.
If you want a PARTNER and a RELATIONSHIP it seems you might have to re-evaluate how you think. Why do you think telling a guy I love you is weird? I mean love is love, is it not?
I don't think you are "just" "pre-conditioned" to be with women. I think that is part BIOLOGY. (mostly) and because heterosexuality is the NORM (biology too) many people start OUT with sex with the opposite sex. Those who are gay and can accept it, might not. They might never try the opposite sex. Others TRY because they feel that is what is expected. Well, yeah, that is how the next generation is created.
It sounds like you are a little Bi with mostly male attractions. So, kind of gay in denial? I think you KNOW what you "are" (so to speak and regardless of labels) - you just aren't sure how to accept it and live it.
But if you have ISSUES attaching EMOTIONS to men, how can you have a healthy relationship?
What you watch as far as porn is what YOU have conditioned yourself to watch/prefer. I'm guessing gay/trans porn is ALL about the sex ACT and nothing about affection? Primarily? So that might also explain who you don't want to attach emotions to a sexual partner. It's all about the "dicks".
Go check out yourbrainonporn website. It's quite interesting and worrisome on some accounts.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 February 2021):
As a straight guy who has never for a single minute questioned my sexuality, I can't give you advice that's more specific than this: sometimes it's better to resist the temptation to label yourself. As everyone is discovering it's not as simple as straight gay or bisexual. You are what you are, be content with that.
If you feel like your life is not complete without both men and women I would try to figure out how you could make that a part of future relationships without hurting people. Be honest. Who knows maybe you'll meet a woman who wants to have bisexual threesomes and it could be perfect for everybody.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2021): No need to be confused nor do you need to label yourself ,just enjoy your sex life. I feel the same romantic and sexually attracted to women but just sexually with men.
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