A
female
age
30-35,
*C03
writes:Long story short, I am 26 and have never been on a date, in a relatiobship, or even kissed. I am a little shy, buy very easy going. I talk to guys at work and they are cool, but I feel like I am just friendzone for anyone. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Am I wrong to feel this way? Its had to watch other girls my age going out, in relationships, or getting married while I dont even know what it feels like to get asked out.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 May 2017):
 Have you ever tried to ask someone out? It is not all one sided you know, you need to make an effort as well. Get to know someone and if you feel you like them ask them out and take it from their. You need to gain confidence in yourself.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 May 2017):
 You know what, I am pretty sure the reason for this is that you are too passive/don't see it when people make a move on you. I had a friend once who was just like you, unkissed, never dated etc at 26. He told me he thought he wasn't good enough, because he saw his friends all around him having a very easy time getting dates and girlfriends.
Truth was, he was getting flirted with and hit on so bad. He had so many girl friends who were trying their best with him each and every chance they got, but he was tuning them away all the time! I would ask him about this, when I had seen it with my very own eyes. He would just say "oh no, they were just being polite" or "That's not how she meant it".
Even I was one of these girls who tried to get a date with him, and I tried for YEARS. But he still went around thinking I wasn't interested in him, and every move I made he deflected. It wasn't until he grew some confidence and started to be more active himself, taking a few plunges, that things changed. But still, to this very day, I am baffled at how he went around at 26 and thought there had to be something wrong with him because he couldn't get a girlfriend.
Truth is: I don't think he wanted a girlfriend. He NEVER reached out. When girls tried to sit on his lap at parties, he always just rose up and let them have his seat instead. When girls tried to get naked in front of him, he said he wanted to be a gentleman and not a perv, so he would leave the room. All these things are signals to women that he didn't want them/didn't want physical contact/didn't find them attractive. And he excused it with just trying to be a gentleman. Come on. Women don't get undressed in front of you if they don't want you to see it.
Now, I know you're a woman, but I needed to tell you about this friend of mine just to show you how extreme this can be. How completely 100% ignorant it is possible to be. How someone can literally get undressed in front of you, and you will still lie there thinking no one is interested in you.
So my advice to you: be more active. Don't sit by ad be passive and WAIT for someone to fall on your head and drag you out on a date by force. No one will do that. If you want to go on a date, you need to FLIRT with a guy first. You need to send him signals that you are interested. Or you need to right out ask him, because guys are terrible at taking a hint.
I will also tell you that 99% of straight guys do not befriend a woman to be just friends. They talk to you because they like you and are interested in you. The reason nothing moves beyond friendship is because you deflect them. You give them no signals of wanting more, and if they have tried to ask you out, you probably did what my friend did, and read it as only a friendly thing. I mean, I even asked him once if he found me attractive, and he still didn't get that I wanted more. I confronted him about it later on, and said to him "you know, this was me flirting and wanting to hear if you were attracted to me". He said "oh, I thought you just had a moment of low self esteem and needed to be cheered up".
If these male friends of you have EVER asked you to meet up after work, then that was an invitation for a date. Have they asked you to meet up after work? Yes or no? And what did you answer? Or, they might have put it more delicately, and said "hey, what are you doing after work today?". That would also be an invitation for a date. If you answered such a question with "tons of home work" or otherwise filled up your calendar, then you are sending them the signal that you are not interested.
You need to flirt more! Next time, if someone asks you what your plans are for the weekend, say something that opens up for them either joining you (going to a concert, cinema, going for a hike etc), or say that you are looking for something to do and ask if they have suggestions.
And do the eye contact trick to judge whether someone likes you or not. Hold eye contact for three seconds. If they look away before three seconds, they see you as a friend or nothing special. If they hold eye contact for three seconds, and especially if they also smile at you, that's a green light for wanting more. So if you ever notice a man looking at you, and you want him to ask you out, all you have to do is hold his stare for three seconds and smile. He will, 99% of the time, approach you after this. It's incredibly easy.
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