A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am a 25 year old female who has never been in a relationship. I have not had sex of any kind or been naked in front of a guy. The furthest I’ve made it is a bit of clothes on grabbing while kissing. I tend to run from intimacy, and cannot get to a point where I am comfortable taking my clothes off for someone. I am ashamed of my body, but clothes are able to hide all the gross bits (flab, nasty scars, etc.) and I don’t know how someone would react to all that. Because of my body, I push guys away. I am not keen to lose my virginity to someone I don’t care about, but would it be such a bad idea to try and get over my fear of intimacy by inviting people I don’t really love into my bed for… practice? I just seem to be losing the ones I care about due to this insecurity, and I’m not sure how this problem will ever be solved otherwise. And yes, I have tried talking with the guys about my inexperience. It makes the fear worse.Sorry so long…. Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Hi hun.You're definetly not alone with this.I'm also a 25 year old female,and I havent had sex yet.I havent even been fully naked with a guy !.Sorry if this is too much information,but guys have kissed and touched my breasts,i have touched their penis,although i havent masturbated them properly as i'm not sure how to do it that well,s that they will have an orgasm,i need to practise that,they have touched my vagina,but only over my underwear,they havent seen it,but thats it.I've never had oral sex or had it done to me,and obviously havent had sex properly.For somer eason,i dont feel ready to be completely naked yet and have full sex,there are only some things i am comfortable with,and i'm not sure why this is.I have only done those things with a couple of men though.
At the moment,there is a guy who wants to have full sex with me,and i have been putting it off.I feel terrible,especially as he is so kind and considerate,He says he will wear a condom,and he will be gentle with me.Some issues i have are that i dont like how i look " down there " which is why i havent let a guy see that area,i'm worried about it hurting and bleeding when he puts his penis inside me,and i worry about getting pregnant accidently.I'm even worried about what sperm will feel like aswell !.I suppose its a fear of the unknown,aswell as me not being confident.
A
male
reader, moose061970 +, writes (18 March 2009):
Do not put yourself down, there is a man out there for you, you and him just have not meet yet. If he is any type of a man he will listen to your fears of intimacy and try to work them out with you. If all he wants to do is get you into bed, well your body is not for him. You are a young women. I did not have my 1st act with a women till I was 29, I am still married to her. while we were having sex she asked me not to cum inside her, I said "No problem". She could not believe I was a gentleman and said that, she moved in with me the next day, 12 days later we bought our rings rest is history. Beauty is only skin deep, it is what is inside you as a person that is where the love comes from. I wish you all the best in your life, do not give up. There are a lot of good men who care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): You are not alone. I know a few other people who are in kind of the same rut and that's just among my own friends.
Nobody's body is perfect. If you would settle for an imperfect body on a guy (and probably even prefer an imperfect one) then don't you think guys might have similar feelings about girls? Not wanting someone TOO perfect just because it makes them uncomfortable too.
Your body is probably just the outside issue. If you were truly secure enough about who you are inside then I don't think you would be letting your body image issues keep you from dating like this. I think you should take a hard look at this. Plenty of really unattractive people are still happily in relationships.
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