A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like I dont fit anymwhere. I just turned 22, and I've never, I mean never had sex or having a girlfriend, what am I doing wrong? It wasn't so important to me before, when I was in highschool. I was a good student, I was trying to keep myself fit by doing regular exercise, but I also Isolate myself a lot for the firsts most important years of my life.My social life sucked so bad.I had very little friends, and the few friends I had were the same or worst, but I didnt care. I thought it was something normal in me, and by magic I woulg get someone some day. I don't know what happened to me, Heavy metal music i guess, but even rockers get laid a lot!!! I decided that I didnt want to go out, clubs were not and are not meant for me(I don't like them at all!!! bars are a different stories). I have a very low self steem, I dont know why but I do.At the age of 18 I decided to immigrate to Canada, other country, and other language. I barely had a few friends backhome and when I got here I had to start over. It seems that my life goes like that every time I make an improvement, I have to go back to square one. I skipped school when I got here, so that is the reason I didnt make any friend at the beggining, I started to work, and feeling depressed of course. I had never worked or been out of school before, so it was awkward to me. That made me isolate even more. I thought that I would make friends but it took me a long time until I could make a few. My second job at the age of 19 wasnt the greattest but there were hot chicks working there, and since I am spanish(south american) they liked my accent, and they flirted with me, but I didnt know what to say the made me nervous plus I could barely speak any english back then, but I thought that I would get something, and that God had had mercy of me for once, but then when everything was going good, my family decided to move to toronto, and I had to start all over again. I thought at that time that girls would be attracted by me, and If it happened before it would happen again, but nothing happened, I just got lucky that one time. When I look back and think about all the time I've wasted, I really want to smack myself. The time didnt stop, and a few weeks ago I just turned 22, and I started questioning myself. There are alot of things that I dont do anymore like not going out during weekends, and spend most of my time at home. Im more sociable too. I overcame that barrier in which talking with someone was such a tough work. I have friends.I started doing kickboxing( a really dangerous but fun and conditioning sport) I mean, I made an evaluation of my personality and I started to improve certain parts of it. It something that just started. Im going to start college too because I dont want to be a looser for the rest of my life going between jobs, and still living with my parents. It is really annoying, I want to grow up, I also started working on gettin my licence once and for all. I mean this year I decided to make a breakthrough of myself. However, when it comes to women it is something that Im still stuck. Ive been rejected before, and It hurts. Im really frustrated. Ive read many forums about pick up lines and shit like that but it is difficult to put them into practice. I feel blocked, pretty much since I didnt do much when I was a teenager, I dont have a topic of conversation to start with, and when they start talking about relations or when my friends start having conversations about girls, and all the sex they have or have had, I dont know what to say, I feel from another planet, pathetic in other words. Even the most pathethic of my friends in backhome have a relationship going with a girl, and I still nothing. I made up with 2 girls in the past, at the age of 11, and the age of 20, and that was it. I didnt even liked them. The last one was drunk that is why she kissed me. People say that im reserving myself for somebody special thats why Iam virgin, but I am not reservin myself for anyone. Seriously, I AM NOOT!!!! and I dont give a crap about that. I dont want to sound like an asshole but it is not important to me. Everybody tells me to get a girlfriend as if it was something that I could get at the grocery store. It is easy for them but not for me. Plus,I dont know what to do after I get her, I mean how to make the realation to last. I am no longer that picky anymore, the first girl that start hitting on me i wont hesitate. I would go for it, but I still feel intimidated by chicks. What should I do? I remember this hot blonde chick at a rock concert who started dancing with me because I was kind of crazy dancing in the mosh pit, and I didnt know what to do. I could tell she was into me but I didnt know how to react. I really love women. I mean, they are the reason why Im here LOL, they are beatiful, they are almost the most perfect thing ever (I never though that I would say something that corky, but Im starting to be honest for once in my life kind of rediscovering myself) What should I do? the clock is ticking and I dont want to be a 40 years old virging let alone a 50 years old virgin(there were many posts of guys like that). It is frustrating because as I said before, I am spanish we are known for being casanovas. It seems I am not the case.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jsqueek  +, writes (1 March 2011):
Hey buddy. Chin up. Im a 22 yr old virgin too. Ive recently discovered i have a lack of a love life too. Never really had a serious relationship with a girl, and high school was all just for fun and playing around. When i look back i think i want to smack myself like you do, but you know wat, i think its because ur probably comparing yourself to ur friends (like i did) which you shouldnt. Be happy with the way your life is atm. You wanna feel independant and all that. Thats good!!! Show that to the next girl you meet. Im only starting to put into practice small bits of advice from the internet. The most important one is feel good about yourself. You prob read this everywhere but take it from someone whos been in your situation within the past month. You MUST feel confident about yourself. Seems to me like ur putting women on a pedestal which they hate. So DONT. Love them for the human beings that the are. When you feel confident about yourself, it will start to show through when you interact with ppl.
Thats another thing. Interact with everyone and anyone you get the chance to. Guy at the petrol station. Counter lady at the shopping centre. Anyone. Build your own confidence first. Thats how im going about it. Realise that if you do meet a woman, she has to like you for who you are, so show her that you love life and you like living it. When you see a girl, focus on being confident and just try to get to noe her, not get to noe her coss u wanna get some.
Rome wasnt built in a day, and ur confidence in yourself must come first. Be on the lookout, but also always be aware of your actions. Observe other guys and how they respond. Ive prob read as many articles as you have in the past mth so i noe its all out there, but you have to feel like u are growing as a person, and not just regurgitating internet advice.
You must love yourself before you love others. Its difficult to snap out of it i noe. Ive had sleepless nights thinking about this stuff. I now feel slightly betta coss im trying to just continue living life as it is first, (of course feeling more confident about myself at the same time). Wear clothes that make you look good, that make you feel good about yourself. Never force yourself to love a woman. Now go out there and start meeting ppl.
Feel free to ask for advice if you need it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): Being a virgin isn't a big deal. I think you shouldn't make such a big deal out of it. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's a public perception that being a virgin makes you a loser. It doesn't. Get over it.
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