A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am haunted by a ex i had 22 years ago. i still feel hurt when i think about her and how it went down. she was the 2nd girl i ever slept with (i was 18 at the time, she was 16) and the first real regular sexual relationship i ever had. i was in a rock band playing at a party and on our first night - i just grabbed her and deep kissed her; she kissed back.. same night i also ended up dry humping her (with people walking in and going out) and it was real good; later that night we ended up in the back of a car but didnt close the deal. so anyway thats our forst date. eventually we ended up going out like bf/gf and we basically fukced everywhere...golf courses, a pool (with her sister right there), parks, back of a caddy, etc (y'know.. teenagers need a place to go). so she ended up my girlfreind: when we were inside we would make love to the doors (1st album, side 2) and when i think about its really the best...almost spiritual. so because im an asshole i ended cheating on her when she went away for a week (on the last day before seeing her) and we broke up after i got in a lame fight over someone elses girl of all things! so anyway: of course ir ealize that we had made love and i loved her; but it was definately over. she rebounded very fast and easily, over and over, differnt guys; i felt hurt each time: and it was like she haunted me wherever i went. i saw her everywhere. once she made out with a guy in front of me at a party and another she wrote a list of guys she fucked. im not implying im innocent either; i screwed around on her pretty much when we went out. a couple years later i called her and told her i loved her and she told me to stop calling and hung up. so that should been it, right? so wtf. why am i still thinking about her today, and i still feel a love hurt combination. i know ill never see her again either. i've had several sexual partners over the years and ive been married 11 years...why the fukc am i still thinking on her? and feeling this. is it because she was so good at huting me, because i knew she slept with a bunch of guys after me, or is it because we truly made love and its still inside me? or is her nature really so bad that im a sado masochist or something? ive thought about her everyday; almost constantly. this is too weird. sorry this took so long: im sure guys think about their exes in high school that ended horribly and have these types of feelings: i want to know if its the hurt she inflicted (whether i deserved it or not) or is it a real love thing? thanks.
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broke up, dry sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Hey, you're welcome. I want to be a teenager again after posting that answer to you. I was feeling pretty wistful myself!
Now go write a great song, if you're still in a band. Or even if you're not in a band. :)
Let us know how you get on with figuring it out if you can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you tisha...i will think on that :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2008):
I think only you can figure out what she is or was to you, but let me offer up one other idea for you to think about. She represents youth, freedom, wild young days and even hotter sexy nights. She's your first real girl, she was beautiful and sexy and was able to take your sh*t and throw it back at you. She stood up for herself and followed her own heart and didn't cave when you hurt her. She's the wistful longing for those lost days, she's the best or worst thing that ever happened to you, she's not available anymore and there's nothing you can do to recapture that same feeling again. She's young blood and hormones and heat, she's something that's gone for good. She represents lost opportunities, regret, lost love....
Midlife crisis? Boring marriage? I don't know the answers, you'll have to work it out yourself, but think about her as an archetype, a symbol, a memory as well as the list you wrote in your question. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
its a seemingly cheap sex based relationship, right? so why the emotion 22 years later... no closure? when i told her i loved her a couple years later she had spoken to me on the phone a couple times...not very into it. but oddly since we broke up after all that happened there were times we'd hug and it was one of those "power hugs" that just feel right. i kinda regret it didnt happen for us. but the quesion remains: is it a love, just the harbor of pain with no closure, or am i a sadist?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust clatifying th lame fight i didnt sleep with the girl but the guy though i did and hit me a couple times; that was about it; and the last i ever went out with her.
its a seemingly cheap sex based relationship, right? so why the emotion 22 years later... no closure? when i told her i loved her a couple years later she had spoken to me on the phone a couple times...not very into it. but oddly since we broke up after all that happened there were times we'd hug and it was one of those "power hugs" that just feel right. i kinda regret it didnt happen for us. but the quesion remains: is it a love, just the harbor of pain with no closure, or am i a sadist?
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 She is the one that got away. Plain and simple.
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