A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 22 year old female and i never had a boyfriend ever!..also im still a virgin...lame i know..anywayz my super lame situation is getting to me, making me feel bummed out i feel like a freaking loser. i cant get a boyfriend and im still a virgin. no guys around my age is gonna find those characteristics attractive, its like a red flag for them, theyre gonna think im a prude/needy/weird. i believe guys my age only want to hook up not be in a committed relationship (which is what i want/wish for lol) also i dont find casual sex with guys that dont care about me or i dont care about them, my kind of thing. being promiscuous is just not me..so losing my virginity that way is not an option for me.i need some help. i need a man, how do i attract good guys? do any still exist... ?thanks for reading my pathetic rant!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): It is extremely easy for a woman to get sex. Attractiveness isn't even a factor. Being a virgin doesn't matter neither. Relationships is a different ball game entirely. You are a virgin because of your mindstate, this might even be the reason why you are single.It is a myth that guys your age is put off with you being a virgin. For under 25 females, it isn't a big deal for men. An 18yo+ virgin male however is typically a problem in society. I think for a nice mature (not old, but in a non-childish meaning) woman like yourself to have never had a boyfriend, sex, first kiss (I assume) or even first date (Assume again) is actually quite hot.I think you are naturally sticking too much emphasis on being a virgin - whether or not you have a problem with that. Sex is typically part of a strong relationship; but when meeting guys (offline or online) having your "V card" has no basis. I feel you are unintentionally scaring away guys because you are insecure about this. You feel alienated from society. Most 22yo in USA have had a relationship before... but that doesn't make those who haven't a freak etc.You will be surprised how many people have their first relationship at around 16-20. 2 years is neither here or there. Considering people save virginity for marriage or for that special someone (not necessary their first bf/gf) being a virgin isn't a problem at all.You need to break away from the virgin stuff which haunts you. I will tell you something, when I was your age I was still a virgin (down to choice) and I got very paranoid... seagulls sounded like sex noises at one point, I remember so clearly. Although (sorry to compare) unlike you I had previous relationships... how I was both single and a virgin after then clearly shows that they didn't work. I then found the special one, lost my virginity with her who was in a similar situation and we are planning to marry soon. So, it is true that due to religion or choice some people don't lose virginity until well into their 30's. Some people have serial relationships... dozens of bf/gf's ... but thats not what you want.Make a change today and the time you are 25 perhaps you will find that special someone where saving your virginity and being single until then was worth it.Everything happens for a reason. It could be that you aren't mentally ready for relationship due to your own anxiety and lack of love for yourself OR perhaps Mr Right is around the corner!I don't know what category I fell under out of the above two, perhaps both? But after beating myself up about it I am glad the choices I made down the route. Looking back I made the right decision, but at the time it was always the wrong decision etc. We all judge from a current perspective - and apply history (past experiences)... this means what we think today can always be improved tomorrow... it doesn't work vice versa, you cannot tell the future.
A
female
reader, blackdelihla +, writes (16 October 2010):
isn't it nice to hear reassurance. Your not wierd or a loser, your smart. I'm 23, a virgin and I thouht about just getting it done and over with, thought maybe it will be easy to find a guty after that, less pressure, but it's not me, and I dont think it's you either. Stay true to who you are, more people should. The right guy will come, thats what I believe, for you and I. Virgins unite, stay strong in your convictions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Im in a unique situation such as one like yourself. I rec'd counseling and have been in relationships and deal with plenty of women and thought Id gave losing the V card a fair shot at giving it to the "right" someone. Turns out, that right someone is not emotional, it is more logical and I have thus made my decision to lose it next week.
Ive had to undergo some personality changes as well as physical as Im having sugery in november. Drastic? maybe. But im one of those people who needs to take drastic action to get over their fears in order to move on. I accept losing my V wont be in a fairy tale way altho I once thought it would be. But now, im depressed, VERY very angry, and feel much like you, a loser. My mental health outweighs my morals in this regard and I must do what I have to do.
I feel youre a good person and def not a loser for not havin a bf. However, Ive found the pity party does not work. If you sit around and let life make you, things wont happen. Go out and make life. Be with your friends, hit a club but stay away from drunk boys. Dont be scared to ask ur fam to hook u up. They or your friends know what you like and so dont be scared to hire them to look for you. Ive known some great relationships where people met thru their own little network. You should try it :)
Also, do not be scared about fitting in or doing what others are doing...lots of peer pressure in an open society. Only you can decide what is best for yourself and when the time is right. Personally, I respect your morals greatly and women like you are certainly special and thus deserve a great man of a similar characteristic and stature.
Ive found diet n exrcise help you fight this. In fact, I pushed that to the extreme and am now a strong guy to the point where I actually scare guys at my gym. Im not a guy to walk in and let it dangle i e show off. However, its their fear I feed off to show that I wont let society take over and instead turn all that negative energy into a brutal strength. It hasnt helped 100% percent but it has kept me from a pulling a D fens in the film falling down.
Exercise is proven to help mood and maintain stability both within the body and mind. I also take 5htp an otc mood enhancer and when I leave the gym, im on cloud nine and feel a bit better. I will recommend this supplement to you.
Hopefully this has helped. If you have any questions, Im an open ear always and will accept ur message miss.
Kind Regards
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Hey, I know how you feel. Although I'm only 17 all of my friends have had sex and one in particular always makes fun of me for being a virgin. On occasions I have felt like just sleeping with a random guy just to stop them, but I've always wanted my first time to be special. And it should be. When the right guy comes along he won't care if your a virgin and the guys that do care are only after one thing. Just because you've never had a boyfriend doesn't mean boys aren't attracted to you. Most boys find confidence attractive, and if you're not confident why not have a make-over, I'm not saying change who you are or anything, but maybe try something new with your hair or clothes and find what makes you happy and stop worrying about it. Everyone is different and a boy should treat you with respect. Loosing your virginity should be special and it should be with someone who loves you (in my opinion) and if you feel the same then don't just loose it to some guy just because it's embarrasing. You should be proud that you have morals and respect for yourself! You're not a loser, but you do sound like you don't have much self confidence (i could be wrong sorry if I am) and maybe you're looking too hard for a nice guy. Be more confident, go out more, and maybe even ask guys out on dates rather than waiting for them to ask you. Hope I've helped :) x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): Firstly, it is NOT a pathetic rant and you are not to under-value yourself just because you are still a virgin. Age doesn't come into it; you just haven't met the one for you yet.Your first time should be special. Don't even consider doing it "just to get it out of the way" or because your peers or younger already have - I'm ready to bet that many of them regret losing it and wish they had waited until they were properly ready.I hear loads of young girls your age and younger (and 42-year-olds, in my personal experience) complaining that their first time was a load of crap (not only their first!), usually because it was the first time for the boy as well. This usually means a lot of fumbling, a quick dry hump, he comes - all too quickly - rolls off and leaves the girl wondering what all of the fuss was about - a very forgettable experience. Most lads of your age are very impatient and/or selfish lovers, who cum too quickly anyway……usually due to furtive masturbation that they want to end quickly in case of discovery! Whomever you decide to allow the honour and privilege of taking your most precious gift or not, please be careful and choose wisely – you can only give it once! I wouldn’t want your very first experience to be a horrid one, all rushed and unsatisfactory and have you regret it for the rest of your life.Bart.
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