A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:[Mod Note: OP's Title]Hi. I'm a 22-year-old woman in Canada and I've never had a boyfriend. Ever! Not even close! In addition, I'm more than a little overweight (I've been fighting it literally ALL my life) and I have a really hard time dealing with guys my own age. I find them immature and I have absolutely nothing in common with them. I take from my mother: I'm into old-fashioned stuff such as doo-wop music, old musicals. I take ballroom dance lessons and have a 'gotta learn more' attitude. I can't abide by people who need drink or drugs to have fun. I'm also into older men (ex of actors I like: Robert Wagner from Hart to Hart, Johnny Depp, David Boreanaz, Eric Mabius, George Clooney). I also don't get out too much. I'm currently job searching and I don't have too many people I would call friends (never mind good friends or BFF)What I'd like to know is if there are other people out there who know where I'm coming from. Some encouragement would be nice. I really don't like the idea of being "an old maid"! I read Harlequins (and am trying to write them) and watch romantic comedies and think "C'mon! Tell me Beauty and the Beast happens every now and then!" (I don't think I'm ugly, but I know I won't be qualifying for a runway any time soon!) I have a lot of love from my family, but I need it from somewhere else now... Someone unbiased by blood relation, who likes me for me and as a beautiful, curvacious woman!Thanks!Sincerely,In-Need-of-Encouragement
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drugs, immature, never had a boyfriend, older men, overweight Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (13 August 2010):
You ought to try online dating and be specifically welcoming to older men. Plenty of older men are going to be into a curvy young woman with mature tastes. Plus they have the money to take you to nice dinners and ballroom dancing and stuff. Try OKcupid.com, it's a really good free site.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 It is ok not to like the same things as your peers, it makes you interesting and stand out from the crowd. I think if you lose weight then it would give your confidence a boost. If you can honestly say that your weight is nothing to do with your diet and activity level, see a doctor. There can be metabolic explanations for your size, and medication can be prescribed. I write from experience of having a thyroid disorder which made me gain weight easily until it was treated. I don't think it is relevant to your romantic chances, but you should think about losing weight for your health and overall confidence. Being an intelligent young lady you need a partner who engages with you at a personality and cognitive level, as well as someone who fancies you physically. Since you don't have a job right now, volunteer for a charity or voluntary organisation. You will meet new people, gain new skills and it gives you something to focus on while you find employment. You might also consider improving your qualifications by doing an evening class, or learning a new skill. This would also be a boost to your self esteem. I wouldn't worry about finding a partner because this will come in time. Go out into your community and find opportunities to improve your life. It may well be the way that you end up meeting Mr Right.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 More then a little overweight? Read trash novels. Musicals? Ballroom dancing?
A dutch saying goes "For every jar, there is a lid". Alhough perhaps it would be better to say "for every lock there is a key". Just some locks fit more keys.
Just because there is someone for everyone doesn't mean it is going to be easy to find that person. Especially if you put extra barriers in the way.
Take going to the bookstore. You are in the romantic drivel department, the guys are in the literature department. Barrier? The shelves between you. If only you shifted from Harlequin to Jane Austen, you might have met him!
Ballroom dancing? How many men are into that? When I learned to dance, the girls danced together. Had to. First time every women fought over me... for the right not to dance with me, but still, they fought!
Doesn't mean you have to give up what you like doing, just ask yourself, how many hours out of a 24 hour day am I putting myself out of reach of any I might like and who might like me? You are not sleeping on the street? That is 8 hours gone. Presuming you are house broken, that is another hour spend in the bathroom where you are not going to meet anyone.
Work? Is your work a good meeting place. Oh, unemployed. Well meeting a lot of people job hunting, aren't you? Aren't you? Doesn't have to be, drive there in your car, talk with the recruiter, leave, spend rest of day at home... not meeting anyone.
What can you do that you enjoy but increases the ods of meeting someone?
But that means changing? Yes it doesn. Being single ain't all that bad. You don't have to pretend to like romantic movies/soccer. Nobody hogging the remote control, or telling you that "No, I do NOT want to go ballroom dancing today".
When people are single for a long time, they tend to get settled into it. They might long for a relationship but have gotten so settled in their lives that there isn't room for a relationship to form.
Ask yourself "how many opportunities did I create last week to meet someone, ANYONE, new as a friend (either gender)".
Wouldn't be surprised if it was none. Been there, done the routine of moving in my own safe circle, wondering why I didn't meet any girls working in IT attending hacker meetings.
Change your routine, adjust your hobbies to something that allows you to meet new people and TAKE the opportunities that are presented. Someone is out there, so go out there.
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