A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi there. I am desparate for advice, please help if you can. I'm a 21 year old woman and I think I have a fear of intimacy. I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 3 and a half years. I shy away from having sex with him as I feel it's a dirty act and don't feel sexy. But in my mind I know this is so stupid, sex should be a loving experience and I really want to enjoy it, but I can't bring myself to do it. My boyfriend has told me he cannot stand being rejected anymore and wants me to let go of these silly ideas or he will leave me. This is the last thing I want, I love him very much and he has put up with this for so long. My parents do not have a good relationship and are very shy about sex, my mum in particular, its totally taboo! I don't want to end up like them but I don't know how to mentally let go of these fears. I have quite low self esteem as I have ezcema and I hate looking at my body when it is flared up, even though my boyfriend says he doesnt even notice it, I know its there. Please, if anyone has any advice of how I can improve my confidence, my fears of sex etc, I dont want to lose the love of my life over this problem. many thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): start slow...start with sleepovers, then naked sleepovers, etc. i have been in his situation and he is likely being honest about his feelings. it drove me mad how insecure she was when i really loved her head to toe the way she was. yes he is getting frustrated. be careful with this. light a candle and take a shower together. dry off and move it to the bed. its really not a big deal and one day you will laugh it off. good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): 3 years of been together is a long time. you both are in love right? only have sex if you feel ready but once you get used to each other maybe sleep naked yo get used to each other bodies. try oral. then sex wont be as big deal. it really snt what people make it out to be. if you relax, take it easy and direct him to where he needs to be youll be fine, honest. but you ned to think of why your affraid. are you concious of your body?? maybe embarressed about the way you look. if he loves you he will not be bothered. good luck hun xx
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