A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 21 and had sex with a guy I was seeing really quickly. 3 days later i took the morning after pill, only just within the 72hrs. i havent seen the guy since because i keep cancelling on him, hes only 18! then a few days ago i found out i was pregnant and dont know what to do! ive just dropped out of uni, have a low paid part time job and live at home with my mother, who has forced me into an abortion before. i wanted to go back to college to get a better job before i settle down, but i can't face having another abortion and im not adopting. what do you guys think? please help!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 You shouldn't really have an abortion just to not add more stress to your mom, now should you? Its life. You can't always plan it. What are you thinking you will do so far? Running away would be nice, you know they did that in the old days when they ended up pregnant. The woman left the country and gave birth and then came back, and no one would ever know. When it starts to show you could always take a good long vacation... And the just show up at home with a kid?
I know, wild idea, but it has been done before. Other than wishing you could run away though.. how is it going with the job? Do you have any plans of going back to uni again? You could go back to uni after the baby is born, if you get some financial help to pay for a childcare, and finish a degree. That would probably help both you and the child in the long run.
Well, all this is if you are thinking of keeping it. You still have some time to figure out if you want an abortion. But, you should definitely contact your doctor (they are not allowed to share the information you tell them). There could be health risks involved with both abortion, or giving birth, and you need to get informed so you can make the best medical decision as well, what is best for your body and health. I don't know your medical history, but your doctor does, so it is best to get an appointment and take it from there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for all the advise, was very helpful! i told the dad and he said he lied to me, he'd told me he would be 19 in oct, but he'll only be 18, so he's 17!!! im officially boardering on pedofilia! he said he's not ready for a baby but he doesn't know what to do so its totally down to me. but what did i expect, he is a child! he wants a relationship with me but i dont want anything to do with the guy!
i still havent decided what im gona do. i want to keep it but my mum is already disapointed in me about dropping out of uni, an my parents have just split so thrs so much stress on her right now. i wish i could just run away!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 September 2010):
 The age-gap of 3 years is not so great. It could be that there is a relationship potential here if you give it a chance. The morning after pill is usually an effective method of protection with a less than 10% failure rate. Is there a possibility that you are more pregnant than you think, and that the 18-year old is not the father? Your mother may have persuaded you to have an abortion in the past but you are an adult now so resist her interference. If you want to keep the baby then go ahead. Life maybe tough in the early years but parenthood can also be highly rewarding. It could be the making of you! You also have access to benefits to support you if the family income is low, as well as social housing. As your child gets older then perhaps you could enrol in college courses or do a degree by distance learning to fit around your family commitments. You seem unhappy with your life as it stands right now. A child is a big motivator for change and improvement. I think you need to tell the father about the pregnancy and see if there is any possibility of a relationship with him. As an adult, he would be required to pay maintenance for his child whether he is a part of their life or not. You also need to see your GP to get booked in for antenatal care. If you intend to continue with the pregnancy then you should be taking folic acid every day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): Tell the guy! Don't sit imagining hoe he is going to react, find out for real.
Also you should contact your local colleges and find out whether they have any child care programmes. Often they have some scheme to allow young mothers to continue their education.
Contact Citizens Advice and ask about benefits and so on.
Then I'd agree with the advice to earn as much money as you can in the next few months to save a nest egg.
If you find out all the facts and put together some goals and a plan for the next few years things won't seem hopeless and you will achieve things.
Don't allow your mother or the guy to make your decisions. You need to take control of your own path.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (8 September 2010):
Get yourself listed in college again as soon as possible? Do you have some type of student welfare? Can you, if you are a student, get any financial help?
Next, tell the baby father. I know, only 18, but tell him. He will also be responsible for helping financially, maybe he has some better ideas. You don't have to be in a relationship with him, but you can help each other out.
Also, while you can, pick up as many hours of work as possible... Maybe if you can get a full-time job fast, you can get money support for when the baby is born and you are not able to work.
Then just look for a job that earns better. Contact your doctor also and ask if they can refer you to a place where you can discuss what you should do, and someone who can offer guidance. Often there are phone lines to call for those who are unexpectedly pregnant and don't know what to do. Try and find one of those.
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