A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I moved here a 3 years ago and left back in my country a guy that I had been dating for almost a year. He loved me alot, and now I went back to colombia and saw him again. I had always kept in touch with him, even though we broke up. He has a girlfriend and she lives with him. I have a boyfriend that I thought I loved with all my heart and after a year and half I had my first time with him. My ex and i decided that between us wouldn't happen anything when I went back to colombia. We met alot of times and respected each other until the last week before I came back, where we started kissing and I felt alot of things. He says he has never stopped loving me and that he is with his girlfriend because he felt alone and his friends and family said things between us weren't possible and he didn't want to be going out with a different girl every weekend.(his mom confirmed that he isn't in love with his gf and said she has never seen him in love as when i was with him)We lived really romantic moments together. My family says he cried alot when I left, so i do believe he loves me. But the problem is here. He's older than me, he already graduated from college and he's starting to work. I'm just staring my career, so I can not marry him or anything like it now. But my greatest problem is that I cannot stop thinking about him. I see my boyfriend more like a friend, we don't really have much intimate moments now, but I've been my bf's support for almost two years now and he says he's in love with me and he has proved it. He's even going to college for me and that makes me feel like i must stay with him. But I don't think I feel the same about him anymore. I'm desiring my ex and we respected each other and didn't make love or anything when i was there. As a matter of fact i felt so bad when my ex kissed me for first time that i walked away and left him alone. I hate cheating but i just couldn't help what i was feeling. I did kiss my ex after that. I felt like butterflies in my stomach. And i keep feeling what i felt when i kissed him everytime i think of me. I tried to break up with my bf but he started crying and i didn't want him to suffer, so I said we could continue dating and so we're still together. But I really think alot about my ex and wanna see him so bad. I'm thinking about avoiding going back to colombia but i have family members that i love there... and they miss me and i miss them and they don't have to pay for my mistakes. Help me PLEASE... I wanna be able to forget my ex but I can't help it not even when i'm really busy with loads of study. What should I do? What can i do if i don't feel the same with my bf and if i don't really feel anything when i kiss him?Thanks in advance
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Hi,
for a start, you have to let your boyfriend go. It is doing none of you any favours by stringing him along. He really is very weak if he thinks that just by staying together you can be happy. This is not the stuff of happy relationships. End it with him now, you will be doing him a favour in the long run - and you as well.
As for your old flame, there is nothing you can do especially as you live in different countries. You are going to have to let time take its course, that is the only thing that will cure this. Fortunately you are still very young, so continue as you are and you will probably laugh about this whole affair one day when you are in a long term committment with a man you love.
But you know it won't be with your ex.
Good luck.
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