A
female
age
30-35,
*oveisreal23
writes:I am a 19 year old girl who feels like I'm trapped in a helpless marriage. On my 17th birthday, the cutest sweetest most sensitve (at the time) guy who I met through mutual friends asked me out. He was my first real boyfriend ever, and has been (on and off) for over 2 years. I can't say now if I'm actually IN love with him, but I fell hard and he was amazing for maybe a few months, after that things progressivly got worse to the point where our whole relationship is abusive. He began to be obsessive and controlling because of the "past" things that occured before I met him that he did not like. We fought daily, he called me names and pushed me around, he even cheated on me two different times with over 2 girls. I don't know how I forgave him, he dumped me every other day when I was 18, but he found his way to suck me back in and I was so in love I couldn't imagine life without him. But now I have these uncontrolable thoughts, I've lost all my friends because of him, (I'm not allowed to talk to anyone besides him, so he says) I'm always crying, my first semester in college consisted of me sleeping because I was too depressed to do anything, I almost flunked out even though I did so well in high school, and now I'm learning the consequences because I can't transfer to another college. I used to blame myself because he made me feel like I deserved to be threatened, and cheated on, and dumped and even pushed. I can still say I love him, from the way he looks to the way he looks at me and laughs with me, but there is no happiness when we are together any more. He tells me how he is too afraid to be alone and that's why he doesn't leave me, but I am now trying to stand up for myself and leave him and make new friends and live a life evert 19 year old does, but I still have this urge for him and to see him all the time because thats what weve been doing for over 2 long horrible years. Will I ever stop feeling so guilty when it really is all of his fault? Any advice is appreciated sorry this is so long thank you.
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female
reader, VictoriaJK  +, writes (22 April 2009):
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. No one deserves to feel and be treated this way. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship for a time so I hope that my advice can help you. Ditch this guy and cut all contact. That is the main thing. He says he loves you and all but he's just too afraid to be alone. And he'll get over that eventually if you leave. He's cheated before so really he can't be to bad off. Anyways focus on school and meeting people. Find some friends to surround yourself with that will make you laugh and forget what you went through. And absolutely do not talk to him. I repeat DO NOT TALK TO HIM!!! If you talk to him after you've broken things off then everything will go back to the way it was. He is not in control anymore and you need to get away from him. If you're living on campus you could ask to be transfered to a different location discreetly, get caller ID on your phone. Just completely cut contact. It will hurt for a while and you might feel the urge to go back but you can't. I hate to say this but every girl needs to go through a guy like this only maybe not as bad as what you did. And if you need to talk to someone you could consider a peer helpline or your school counsellor. This will teach you how not to let a guy treat you in the future. You deserve the best. Remember that! Sorry this is so long I just know exactly what you're going through.
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