A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here's my situation. In april, I went home with one of my friend's roommate's (who I was friends with) and we slept together. He's kind of a ladies man, so he'll have the occasional girl over. But anyway, that happened a few times. I didn't really have any strong feelings for him, I thought he was a nice guy and pretty attractive. But after a while I kind of started liking him a lot. Then we both went home for the summer and not seeing him made me like him more for some reason. So when we went back to school I tried getting with him again, but I'm kind of shy with that kind of stuff so it never happened and I haven't really talked to him in a while. I see him at band rehearsals every day and say hi, but we don't hang out anymore. I'm just too shy. If I asked him to go get a beer with me or something, he'd go...but like I said, I'm shy. Anyway. This other kid who actually moved into kid #1's room in his old apartment has this huge crush on me. We've gotten to be pretty close friends, but this one time we both got kind of drunk and I let him do some stuff I probably shouldn't have. Nothing too serious...but still. I never bring it up, and he seems a little too shy to bring it up either. I never really considered dating him till recently. Mostly because of kid #1. But I think I kind of do like him now. The only problem is if I were to date him, I'd still have unresolved feelings for kid 1. And there's no way I'd be able to go into kid 2's room without thinking about what I did in that room with kid 1. Also, I can't really imagine sleeping with kid 2. Cuddling, hanging out, kissing, I can see. But nothing more. With kid 1 I can imagine it all (because it's all happened). Oh, another thing. If kid 1 were to ask me out, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. He just doesn't seem as interested as kid #2 is so he's harder to get. Anyway. What do you think I should do?
View related questions:
crush, drunk, kissing, moved in, roommate, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 September 2013):
 "This other kid who actually moved into kid #1's room in his old apartment has this huge crush on me. We've gotten to be pretty close friends"
You're NOT friends, he's just trying to get with you. The only reason you hang out so much is because he isn't shy. If you actually asked out the guy you happen to like, "kid" number one, then you and him would probably be even better "friends" by now. But that's your loss.
"But I think I kind of do like him now. The only problem is if I were to date him, I'd still have unresolved feelings for kid 1"
You don't like this guy number two (sorry, I refuse to call them kids any more, they are grown men). You're only thinking about it because it'd be so damn easy. He's right there, offering himself up on a silver plate, all you have to do is go along with it because he's making all the moves. Heaven forbid you actually made a move yourself and went for the guy you actually want. Oh no, better to just get with whomever has the patience to grow on you and cling to you and play "friends" for however long it'll take until you let them fondle you and then feel kind of sorry for them and then kinda, sorta, maybe like them and then kinda, sorta, maybe date them and then not break up with them because oh noes... being single is scary.
Or.. wait??!?! Is that really what you're saying, or did I get it wrong? Try to explain it again and I'll see if it sounds any different.
" Also, I can't really imagine sleeping with kid 2"
Because you DON'T LIKE HIM like that. Let the poor chap go, end this "friendship" because he is in love with you and there is no friendship when one person doesn't want friendship. He wants a relationship. So let him go, because even though he's comfortable, and it'd be super easy to be with him, and you wouldn't have to get out of your comfort zone, getting with him would also mean you'd have to kiss a guy you don't like, and probably sleep with a guy you're not that attracted too, don't like that way, and aren't in love with. I don't really see why you'd even consider it, just because you kinda, sorta, maybe like him.
"Oh, another thing. If kid 1 were to ask me out, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. He just doesn't seem as interested as kid #2 is so he's harder to get."
Hard to get?
"If I asked him to go get a beer with me or something, he'd go...but like I said, I'm shy. "
You're the one who's hard to get! Just ask him already. If you can't, then stay single, because you definitely should not be with someone you aren't that interested in just because they offer themselves up. That's called taking advantage and using them. You don't have those feelings for him, and you're still interested in someone else. So no.. don't take advantage of guy number two, and end the "friendship", stop leading him in.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 September 2013):
 In a nutshell, you are not interested in kid 2 because you are more interested in kid 1 who is not interested in you.
You need to accept your encounter with kid 1 was simply a one night stand, and for him you were one of many. So let that go, accept it for what it was and move on.
Once you do this your feelings for kid 1 will no longer be unresolved and you should be able to make a more informed decision as to whether your feelings for kid 2 are sufficient to date him, or if you should let him down gently.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): Well kid 1 isn't asking you for dates... I don't think it's gonna happen , sorry kid
...............................
|
