A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I could really use some advice and someone to talk to in general. Some backround, Im 23, my fiance is 26 in nov. We have two young children (ages1 and 2) we both work and alternate our schedules around e/o, except sunday, the day my mom babysits, which is very helpful. We rent a house from my mom and live on our own. We have just gotten back on our feet financially, so things have been great. But I just found out Im pregnant, again. I was on the shot but it was making me sick, so I got off and started using condoms. We had an accident where the condom ripped he pulled out when he noticed right as he came, so i cleaned myselfwell or so l thought. So now Im just in shock. My fiance doesnt know for certain yet, but assures me that everything will work out and that he can even fill in for me at work when i have the baby (my boss and he are good friends and hes done it b4 as a favor, not 4 me lol) So my question is how do I deal with this? I feel very blessed but also overwhelmed. Also how do I save money in a short period of time? I need to save about 7k for a downpayment on a new vehicle? I cant fit 3 baby/toddler seats in my car, only 2 and same w our old truck so i need to be prepared and get ready. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): Thank you all very much! We have some money put away, we have been saving, but now we just have to cut back a bit more, (no more date nights lol, which were only once a month anyways)which should be fine. I was just hoping to get a used van, something with some mileage, but hopefully not falling apart. We actually DO have a date believe it or notlol, 4/18/14. I really appreciate all the advice, even if its harsh, but these are lives, and I can take the good with the bad because I want the very best for my kids too. And we do plan to have ligation, after our 3rd, we always wanted three, and always had in mind that one of us would get sterilized after, so its all just happening a bit sooner. Thank yu again and everyone have a happy halloween!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2012):
 Honestly, going from 2 kids to 3 is a big jump, for several reasons - one being logistics and one being that you only have 2 arms. (and let's not mention the financial side).
What can you do? Put aside as much money as you can. No buying fast food, junk food, no spending money on stuff you do no need.
As for vehicles, find something you can afford. Don't go looking for an unrealistic Range Rover if all you can afford is a Kia. Know what I mean? And if you can't afford a brand new one, got for a used one you can.
And honestly, you CAN do it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 October 2012):
 I note that you refer to the man who is breeding you as your "fiance."
Any chance of some nuptials in the very near future????
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): "Im 23, my fiance is 26 in nov. We have two young children (ages1 and 2)"At the risk or sounding impertinent and/or moralistic, if your live-in boyfriend/baby daddy hasn't married you after two kids then he is NOT your "fiance," he is your live-in boyfriend/baby daddy until such time if or when he marries you. Use of the term "fiance" implies a set engagement during which time two individuals plan their wedding (for which thry have set the date) and prepare for their life as a married couple. Otherwise, casual use of the term "fiance" only serves to legitimize long-term shack-ups which does women no favors, especially when there are children involved. "So my question is how do I deal with this? I feel very blessed but also overwhelmed."Getting married to your live-in boyfriend/baby daddy so your children's parents are related to each other would be a good start. And FYI whatever hopes/plans you may have had for a big fancy wedding went out the window three pregnancies ago. Your kids now come first, and not having any more would be a good way to show that to the ones you already have. I suggest a tubal ligation at time of delivery would accomplish that very nicely while warding off any future spells of blessed overwhelmedness. "Also how do I save money in a short period of time? I need to save about 7k for a downpayment on a new vehicle? I cant fit 3 baby/toddler seats in my car, only 2 and same w our old truck"Earn more, spend less, or a combination of the two. Very unlikely you will be able to achieve what for you at this time is essentially an unattainable goal. "i need to be prepared and get ready."Sorry, but that ship sailed when you "accidentally" got pregnant for a third time in three years. Given your current circumstances, you can only do the best you can considering you were NOT prepared and NOT ready to conceive a third child when you were not remotely in a financial position to do so, and so you are NOT prepared and NOT ready to have a third kid when you are not remotely in a financial position to do so. Best wishes and good luck to your kids first, and then you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): You most certainly are blessed. After two children, I really didn't think I would cope with a third, but did fall pregnant. My third has been the most amazing child (now 15) and I am so happy he came into our family. It has been incredibly difficult sometimes raising three small ones, but also the most wonderful, rewarding and happy times. You will cope, because as mothers, we find a way. You are lucky to have your mother to help too. Don't worry, no matter what, whatever the cost, you will be so happy for this gift.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): I guess you are not planning on terminating pregnancy now and in a future also? That's why you need to really think about contraceptive. To have already 3 children at such young age one after another is not good for you or your kids or anyone else at this point around you.Its not old times anymore when women could afford to stay home and culturally it was encouraged. Now you have to work, and have someone else bring up your babies. I really don't see the point of why working women nowadays have any children at all. They have to go to work immediately after, when the baby is 2 months old, having nannies or babysitters take care of them. Everyone try to be super moms, well its just doesn't happen. There is no balance, life becomes a complete mess, with young mothers feel overwhelmed at home and at work.This is what your life will be from now on: overwhelmed. There just no way out, unless you had plentitude of money, then you would have all the hired help, and wouldn't have to work, and spend plenty of time with your kids. Otherwise, life is going to be hard and overwhelming.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): hi,
you have a good partner, a supportive mother and although not planned a new baby to look forward to. Children are hard hard work as you no doubt know. You need to see your doctor, visit a cousellor and get support from everyone and anyone you can. You can do this and you can do this well. I wish you all the luck.
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