A
female
age
30-35,
*angospice
writes:Me and my boyfriend are 17 (well I will be in a couple of weeks.) We started seeing each other 5/6 months ago and continued dating until November when he asked me out.The problem is we're both really quiet people who have never had a boy/girl friend or 'experimented' like most people our age. It's been two months now and we still haven't kissed. I really like him and I want to kiss him and I know he wants to kiss me but we just can't seem to. I know he likes me because he says such sweet things about me to my friends and on odd occasions he takes my hand or puts his arm round my shoulder. The thing is this isn't enough for me, I feel like I need to be physically involved, you know? I need my hugs and kisses as this makes me feel loved.Also we don't tend to see each other often and when we do I have to arrange it. He never rings me, though his phone is broken he has a house phone! And I end up having to rely on msn to talk to him and he's hardly on msn. Lately I've found myself staying on msn until really late, waiting for him to come online.On top of all this he lied to me about smoking. His friend told me a couple of weeks ago he was totally against smoking and he agreed with this statement. I though thay were joking so I asked if I was missing out on something but he said I wasn't, he didn't smoke. Then the next week I saw him in town smoking. I don't care that he smokes, I do however care that he decieved me! And he knew that he was wrong because he asked me if I was angry when I saw him. People have said to me he could be worried that I 'd dump him because we seem to be really scared of 'letting go' in front of each other incase we make fools of ourselves.Okay my problem sounds really pathetic caompared to everyone elses... And I have to add this makes him sound like a complete god-knows-what but honestly he's really nice, I just think he's shy. I don't have a specific question but does anyone have any advise?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Maybe you send off an anti-smoking vibe, or maybe it is something that they know is frowned upon and keep it secret. As a former smoker I know how that can go. Let him know you don't care, but the deception is not acceptable. You are both young and sometimes we just react by hiding instead of being up front. Let him know you are not a judgmental person.
Okay, the physical issue. It is really simple, he is probably feeling the same way, but is also probably feeling a ton of pressure that he will not be good enough, that he will make a mistake, that he does not know what to do, that he will overstep a boundary...a million things. You are both so nervous about it, but I am guessing you have not talked about it.
Now for the hard part...men are not mind readers and he probably is not aware of how much anxiety this is causing you. You both sound good together so I would say tell him that you love it when he hugs you, you love it when you touches you, you are wanting him to kiss you so bad and that you need more intimacy in your relationship. He will probably react the same way as you are feeling, but he sounds like he is too scared to act. Be the strong one and break the shyness and lack of communication.
A
female
reader, mangospice +, writes (16 January 2009):
mangospice is verified as being by the original poster of the question I don't know whether I come across as very anti-smoking. Because even my best friend didn't tell me when she started smoking.
I just feel like we're both walking on egg shells, trying not to screw it up. And its like we're too alike, what with our shyness. I feel closer and more talkative with him when he puts his arm around me and stuff. Its like theres a barrier there but once we're past that barrier its fine.
Single's so much less confusing! :P
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): Bailey here again. Listen i used to be really shy and nonoutgoing and then i met my current boyfriend and then i really felt i belonged. But on a darker note, if he lied to you it can only mean one of three things. 1. he doesn't trust you with such things. 2. he doesn't feel that the bond is strong enough. 3. he may like you for another reason.
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