A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 17 with a 36 year old. We have been together for 2 years now. everything has been great. Apart from having to hide from everybody. A few days ago my mom passed and i moved in with him. We finally told his parents because we could no longer hide it. Now it's all a mess. His family just freaked! We were going to wait till i was 18 before we started living together, but my mom passed so it just happened a year earlier. I was looking on here researching about age differences and what other people's stories are. From what im reading i have complete confidence on our relationship. I was just wanting to talk to someone and get some input on my own situation. I am very mature for my age and have expereinced alot of which most teenagers haven't. I am also at the point in my life where i am ready to settle down and have a family, career, ect. I have felt like that even a year prior to meeting this man. Now i found who i want to spend the rest of my life with, who i am soo happy with, who i want to have kids with, and who i want to grow old with. Even if he's getting there before me. I would like to read what someone else thinks about my relationship for once.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): hi! im the same position as you except we don't live together or anything. my mom knows about it and shes semi-cool with it however my father seems to be in somewhat denial. we plan on getting engaged and married soon while i continue going to school. I think as long as you know what you're getting urself into and what mite lie ahead everything should be fine. the most important thing is not to let what other ppl say get to you because at the end of the day you have to do what makes YOU happy. secondly, im sure we are not the first ones in this situation and im positive we arent the last ones. lots of good luck to you both.
ps. dont look for approval because you can never make EVERYone happy and at the end of the day its YOUR life.
A
female
reader, england_rock_chic  +, writes (23 June 2010):
Hi!
I asked a question on here about a 12 year old age difference in a relationship, and like you I got negative feedback.
In my case, I'm 16 and the guy is 28 nearly 29.
The thing that worries me is that you got together when you were 15, which makes you a minor.
However now you're older i'm guessing you really do love each other.
People say I look and act older than a teenager, and I'm a lot more mature than my other friends.
Dont rush into getting married or having children, enjoy being together for a bit. And to be honest, this guy would love you to have started dating you at 15 and to still be here 2 years later. You're all prob thinking this is mad, but face it, this guy could have got locked up but he must love you.
Just take care and enjoy being together :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): Please think about what I am going to say here very carefully. Maturity isn't gained by experiences. It is gained by practice. I know you feel very strongly about your boyfriend. He probably feels the same about you. That is why you are in the most dangerous situation you might ever face in your life. br br
I also lost my mother very young and it set me adrift. Without that steady compass in my life anymore to always point me in the right direction I got stuck for a while. I wasn't able to grow up anymore. Age is only a number, and I know you believe that because of your age difference. But that also applies to adulthood, autonomy, and maturity. Age is just a number. br br
You have to live alone. If you don't learn independence you will stop growing up. I know you think you have already grown up, but you're mistaken. You will still be growing up at 21. Even at 25. In fact, people grow and mature throughout their entire lives. They never stop, unless they get stuck on a stage. br br
If you move in with your boyfriend upon the death of your mother, and you let him pay your bills, and you devote yourself to him, you will stop growing up here and now. You will get stuck on the "leaving the nest" stage. Your boyfriend's house will become a substitute nest, and your plan is to never leave. Your boyfriend will keep growing up , but you will not, because you will be stuck. Eventually he will be too far ahead of you for you to ever catch up, and it will make you incompatible and unhappy. Then one of you will leave, and there you are, many years older but none the wiser. br br
This has nothing to do with your age, or his age. It's all about your growth. I see no problem with your relationship. You clearly both care for one another. Keep seeing him, but do yourself a favor - get your own place. Don't move into his. You can sleep over at his place sometimes. He can sleep over at yours sometimes. Spend a few years with your own place and then see where you're at in life. But if you don't give yourself a place to be alone and independent, if you don't have that experience, then you'll never mature again. br br
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I swear to you it's true and I hope you make a good decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): Just from reading what you wrote, you are not mature for your age. You feel such a need to stress how mature you are, and you don't even seem to see any of the negatives in this relationship. How is that mature?
How can you be attracted to a full grown man who was attracted to a FOURTEEN year old girl? Look at a little 14 year old girl in school. That's what he wanted. Would you even consider a like 9 year old boy? Because that's what the age difference is like. You seem to think exactly the same as every girl I've ever met who has been screwed over by a relationship with an older man.
Even if you both are totally healthy, he is going to die probably 20-30 years before you will. And you think that you've experienced all there is to experience because you ARE so young. There is so much beyond your comprehension. What if he only wants you sexually, and dumps you once you no longer look like a teen? What if it turns out you guys totally aren't compatible? This is EXTREMELY likely. People date for like 10 years and are similar in age and beliefs and still end up incompatible after moving in together. You guys just moved in together after only 2 years AND have extreme differences..
I have very strong feelings about this because I have NEVER seen this work out for ANYONE, no matter how "mature" they were.. You see, I was mature when I was your age. You know how I know? Older men like that came on to me, and I turned them away no matter how attractive or sweet they were. Being mature is being realistic and not some hopeless romantic. Love is not all rainbows and butterflies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): If you have to question the relationship at all, then it is not working.
I might add that if you have to stress the point that you are 'mature' then you are not.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I also wanted to add, although my mom didnt like it, she accepted it. She thought i was ready and she knew i had never been in love like this before. Now i will take into consideration what your saying. And for months now i have been thinking as hard as i can about it. Also i want to add I know every girl my age says that they’re more mature than the next. I just feel like I don’t think the same as most of them. Not only my boyfriend has told me that either. Several people have. I honestly don't think there is anything that i havent already done that i want to do later on in life. I dont have kids now, and i am waiting till i get out of college and can support my child well before i even think about haveing one. So im thinking i can still have a little bit of fun and free time for now, but a few years from now i do see myself having a good career, kid(s), a house and just a good life with this man. For the past two years i havent even thought about being with anybody else. All i can see is him and i together for life. I just hope my love isnt blinding me to where i'll regret it. Also i told myself if i had any doubts what so ever, even the slightest gut feeling that it doesnt feel right, or wont work, i'll leave. Im just hopeing my heart leads me in the right way. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it! Both of you.
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A
female
reader, heaven= +, writes (1 June 2010):
well ithink thats great and that if everything works out good for you to...then that would be fantastic also..
and if your very sure that he is iguess the one than who the hell cares what any1 else thinks as long as you are in love with this man all im saying is -good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): You're in a very precarious situation, and you need to make sure that this relationship moves forward before it messes up the rest of your life. Girls who get into relationships like this at your age run the risk of having severe relationship problems later. The age difference can become a problem if the man remains attracted to young women and dumps you as you get older. Hopefully this guy is not of that type, but it always raises a flag.
FYI: Every (and I mean EVERY) girl always feels that they are "more mature" than their age... because the guy tells them that and they are dealing with situations that most girls their age do not... But the situations can skew their outlook and expectations.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): I'm sorry about your mom. I have read your situation. I see myself in that statement all over again. i was 20 and he was 42. i wanted all of those things the same as you. Take my word for it. make sure make really sure that you know what you are asking for. 2 years is a good start. however once you marry it ALL changes. take my word for it please. think about it long and hard before you make a drastic decision in your life. have a plan for your future first before deciding anything. think about all the things you want to do in your life first before getting married. when you have kids and are married ALL those going out, dating,free minutes alone go away. although you may be madly in love you will still miss those moments in your life. and you can't get them back.
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