A
female
age
51-59,
*utegirl
writes:my problem is that i am 38 years old, married, but confused. when i was only 17 years old i fell in love with a guy. we were each others first, we loved each other, did everything together. after a year and a half he broke up with me. i was devastated. i remember that after 2 years i was still struggling with relationships, i couldn't seem to get over my ex,no matter how i tried,then one day my roomate at the time told me to call my ex since he is always on my mind. i did, he called me back and it was like we had never broke up,but sadly he moved on which meant i had to move on. so since then it has been 15 years that have gone by and although i have never forgotten my first true love, i just moved on, i just never thought i would ever hear his voice again. then suddenly, last thursday, the phone rings and my exesname was on my caller id. i froze,i can't even tell you the emotions that started flooding in like why is he calling me, what does he want, it's been 15 years since i last talked to him why is he calling me now.i called him the next day and we talked on the phone for two hours. found out that alot has changed with his family, he recently broke up with a girl he had been with after our breakup, was with her for 15 years but never married. right after that or before that was even over he met his current girl they lived together for a bit,but then she decided she wanted to go to school to become a lawyer and moved two hours away from her, but sees her i guess on saturdays and sundays. sorry this is so long, but i figured i had to give you the history so you can get an idea on what i am going through. shortly after we talked on friday, like an hour and a half later, my ex e mailed me, saying he was glad he found me, glad we got to catch up a little, sent me a picture of him and told me i can call or email him anytime. i feel so guilty because i still have something for him, i can't stop thinking about him,about my time with him, i even wonder what it would be like if we were together now, what it would be like to kiss him. i don't think i ever really got over him. i asked him, why all of a sudden, did you decide to track me down after all these years? he replied, i was at a cafe the other day and i saw a woman that reminded me of you. i know it sounds weird, he said, because i haven't seen you in so long,but i had to find you. so, that is my story ,he was my one true love, no one else has ever been like him. i don't even know why we broke up,except that we were young. also, when we talked i told him, i really loved you and he said i loved you too,you were my first. i guess my questions are is it normal for me to feel confused? i don't want him out of my life, in fact i remember asking him are we going to keep in touch this time or are you going to leave again, he said he wants to keep in touch, and then asked me for my email address cause obviously he has my number. we also live in separate states, i forgot to mention that. i still feel something just don't know what exactly. he claims he is happy with his girlfriend now,but then why did he feel the need to find me out of the blue. i really have all kinds of emotions running through my body. has anyone else have a story like this and if so, what happened? thankyou for listening. -cutegirl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Do not get back together with your ex. It is too late. You are married and have committed to your husband. You vowed to love him exclusively. He is the one who committed himself to loving you and has shown it over time. Love is a choice. Yes, you will be very happy if you get back together with your ex--but only for a little while. Then you will crash lower than you ever could have imagined. You need to avoid him like the plague and ask him to never contact you again. He is playing with your feelings, and he knows it. It is your fault if you get hurt because you are willfully making yourself vulnerable to him by not shutting him out. Remember, you are married. I would suggest pouring all that extra energy you would into pursuing your ex into your marriage. God bless!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): No wonder you're feeling confused. One's first love is always the one that causes the heart to flutter, the violins to play and the candlelight to flicker. But the reality is that both your ex and you have matured a lot in the intervening years, and the chances of it working a second time aren't as good as the first.
It seems to me he's putting out his feelers and looking for a bit of extra excitement in his life by re-kindling old relationships. Reading between the lines, he broke up with you to be with someone else, then 15 years later he broke up with her to be with someone else and now he's testing the water temperature to see if you're interested before he breaks up with her for someone else - you! You may still think of him in a good light, but beware, I smell trouble ahead.
Which way you go now is the BIG decision. Are you blissfully happy with your husband? If so, tell your ex where to get off. If not, well, only you can decide what to do.
Phil
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