A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I have a really bad problem. I'm a 15 almost 16 year old guy and I'm in love with another 27 year old guy. I met him when I was on holiday and we became really good friends but on my last day he just kissed me and I never thought I was gay before but now I'm really confused. I am now in a different country to him and I keep talking to him on the phone and he says he wants to have sex with me when I go back there and I agreed but now I am regretting it. I think I am too young for this and that maybe it was all a mistake and I actually don't love him. He sends me messages every day about how much he misses me and loves me but I have stopped saying this in return. I guess my question is what do I do now... I have really important exams this year and I really don't think this thing between us will last because I am too young and my family is very homophobic so they will kick me out of the house if they ever found out. I don't want to have sex with him but when I go on holiday I will see him all the time (because he works in the gym where my cousin works and I always go with my cousin). How can I tell him that I don't love him anymore and that I don't want to see him or talk to him ever again. . . And ensure that he won't tell anyone that we kissed? Thanks for your help :)
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 I am very, very happy to hear that you have sorted this problem! And I can imagine how relieved you feel.
Don't forget, if he does try again tell him if he doesnt stop the stalking you will talk to your parents and you will also initial 'legal proceedings'. Use those words, they will indicate that you HAVE spoken to an adult about this, and that you have people backing you up.
Those words should be enough to scare him off.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey ...
thank-you all for your helpfu responses.
I've been feeling for a while that it is all wrong but I just needed to hear it from someone else to get the strength to do what needed to be done.
I ignored his calls and texts but they got quite obssessive so I called him and told him (kindly) that I didn't want him anymore and that he shoul stop trying to contact me and since then he has left me alone.
I thought it would be very hard but it has actually made me feel very relieved and relaxed, like a massive load has come off my chest.
Thank-you again,
:)
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A
female
reader, shaegirl15506  +, writes (19 September 2010):
 if you are gay you can find out with someone younger and if you still love him when you turn 18 then go for it.but this way can only lead to you getting hurt.first off if he goes to jail over you don't you think he will resent you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): Hey young lad, your's is not a difficult situation. I assure you that you are not gay, it is just a sort of body chemistry when you have just attained puberty.
When ever this dude calls you or leaves you a message, dont return his calls. After he has tried a couple of times and he does not hear anything from you, he will get the clear message that you are no longer interested and you have realised that what he wanted you to do was wrong. dont worry about him spreading the news that he kissed you, it would only be to his disgrace and that is something that you can always deny. so, dont worry yourself too much about it.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 September 2010):
The other posters gave you some good advice as to what you should do. I can see why you're very confused, but I definitely agree that this guy is a pediphile and knows that you're young so it's easy for him to try to pursuade you into what he wants you to do. He doesn't love you either, he's just telling you all this so he can have sex with you. Don't do anything that you don't want to do, and he will not tell anyone that you kissed. He's the one that will want to keep that a secret. So if you have to change your phone number etc., do it. Just tell your parents this guy keeps calling you and he's making you uncomfortable. I don't think you need to go into detail, but trust me, your parents will not be mad at you, they'll be pissed at that guy.
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (19 September 2010):
 Remind this man that you're still a kid and more than 10 years younger than him, and tell him to leave you alone. If he persists, warn him that you will tell your parents he sexually harassed you while on holiday and is continuing to do so. If you have to, tell the gym the gym where he works that he has been sexually harassing you. I know you probably think this is your fault on some level, and that you 'welcomed' these advances, but it's not and you didn't. You are still a kid; get the help of older people to get this creep off your back.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (19 September 2010):
This man is grooming you, he is a paedophile, you need to talk to somebody about him, and soon, preferably your parents but if that idea makes you uncomfortable a social worker or an aunt or uncle, a member of the police force, a doctor or even a teacher.
I wouldn't be making any decisions about whether you are gay or not at this stage, you seem to me to be very confused about the whole situation, and that confusion has been engineered by this other person.
Good luck, I do hope you take my advise
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