A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been married for 10 years and have realized that I no longer feel the same way about my husband as I used to. He has put me through so much and I feel I cant be myself with him anymore, I am totally switched off. He has lied to me so much about stupid things, that I dont believe a word he says. He is manipulating and not very good with finances. We are running a business and I am doing all the hard work while he is just reaping the benefits. He always shows his love to me by buying me something. Most of the time its not something I would buy for myself but rather what he feels I must have. However when I do tell him what I need and how I feel he ignores me. He is not very emotional and romantic and I feel as though I am missing out on so much because I need love and romance. I have no emotional connection with him. I am very angry and disappointed in him and now I dont know how I feel about him anymore. I dont know if you have ever met someone that can give you soo much, but take away so much at the same time??? I feel as though I have lost myself, to try and fit in and survive with who he is. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 I can actually identify with you on this point. I can totally understand where you are coming from.
If I can make a suggestion, I suggest separation! He needs to learn the consequences of his actions and just see where it goes. But, I think you know this already! I wouldn't believe you if you said you hadn't considered a separation or a divorce.
He seems detached and too comfortable in the marriage that he takes everything for granted now. Yes, I had that with my present boyfriend a few years ago and I had to make the decision to separate for a while. I love him to bits, but he was the same. If he did something wrong, he would buy me something to make up for it, but wouldnt appologise either. As if the gift was a present. Not to mention the fact the gift wasnt anything I would buy myself, but what he would rather have me have. Needless to say, it sits in a cupboard and cost him thousands of pounds. Totally pointless!
After a few months apart, he realized what he had done and we discussed things. We started dating again and things have been WONDERFUL since then. He is considerate, understanding and tentative. He just needed a kick up the butt in a BIG way! He realized what he was loosing and figured he didnt want to loose it! Try a separation and see where it goes. If you separate, make sure you tell him why you want the separation. Tell him exactly how you feel. Then let him make the next move. He has to prove that he understands what he has done wrong! I hope that has helped!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 If he's not doing any work, he has to step down his title co owner. Whenever he buys stuff the money should be reimbursed. When you feel you can't handle the workload hire an assistant manager. He's not treating you fairly, more like his personal slave. As he's losing power in the business that's when the real conflict starts, the conflict you have been avoiding. You have to break free of that and take control of your life. I am not suggesting you to address your emotional needs because it's obvious you have been to no avail, and any men who can only show "love" through money has serious problems. If he's able to emotionally connect with you, or with anyone, he wouldn't make you do all this work while he enjoys life. Stop trying to win his love. Whenever he stops working, the business that used to be you and his is now yours, and you are free to fire him.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 You're singin' my song, sister! I've been where you're at, really. Same thing, he'd buy me things I did not or would not want or even consider, completely irresponsible, lied about any and everything, financially? he was a train wreck waiting to happen, Before I went under for the last time, I did the most painful thing I've ever done and divorced him. Emotions are not REAL things to these guys, they're a means to an end. They're manipulative and deceitful to the very core, bona fide sociopaths (seriously, look up "sociopath" and you'll find him), there is no real conscience, no principles or morals, corrupt to the core and completely incapable of embracing or speaking truth for any reason. This is a very broken person. You CANNOT fix this guy. He can't "read" you because he can't genuinely feel except for himself. Everything in all aspects is an act he makes up as he goes, a lurid and twisted fantasy that is his life. Get out while you can, they will suck you down with them. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel. You'll come through it and look back and know in your heart that it was the best thing you could've ever done! Believe me, these guys don't change they can't. It is what they are and always will be. You can only save yourself! The only solution is to get yourself out of it or you'll be in for a lifetime and it gets only progressively worse as time goes on. These guys are defective from day one, he always has been. It's very hard to realize and accept but you CAN save yourself! I can probably tell you things that go on that you think no one else can possibly know! You WILL continue to lose more and more of yourself unless you prohibit it. Save yourself while there's still something left to save!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Any chance you are married to a Gemini? I am in exactly the same position as you although I have been married a bit longer than 10 years..
So emotionally distant until he wants sex...
Cannot walk away as I own 50% of the business...
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A
female
reader, Kayie +, writes (3 May 2010):
 I totaly understand you darling. You should take a break apart from each other and just explain to him your reasons why your having the break and why you feel like you do aswell.
If he refuses to try to put things right after the break and he still wont listen then there is your answer. He is not willing to see your side.
If on the other hand he does seem to want to co-operate then it is up to you wether you give him that last chance to change the way things are but be firm!
if however you decide that you cannot give him anymore chances and you dont have the stregth in you to do so then that is fine. put yourself first for a change, why not? he does! xx You diserve better.
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