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writes: my long term partner and i have been together for 10 years and we have two children together but now she say's that she does'nt love me any more and wants me to move out after christmas so as not to upset the children.the problem is that i still love her and dont want to leave her and the children.she say's that she does not know why she feels like this but ther is nothing she or i can do to change this. Its breaking my heart and i dont know how to sort it out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): Break ups are not easy and I am so sorry. Christmas is a time of family unity, love, sharing and giving. So I feel for you hearing this sad news, so close to the holiday season. It's obvious you are heartbroken over this. Number one reason for breakups is one of the partners falls out of love with the other. What contributes to that is , a lack of communication causing her to become unhappy. She's simply grown complacent and possibly drifted from you. Long term relationships is tough for many people, because some of them can't get through those hard times and communicate properly. Many of them keep it bottled up and then one day...they simply walk away. ou will have no choice but to let her go. It sounds like she needs some time to 'fly solo' for awhile. Why don't you consider a trial separation for awhile. You can make a last ditch attempt to what caused this by talking openly with her in a loving, calm way. Or perhaps you can suggest counselling. It will take a lot of patience and understanding because when talking about this, people focus more on being defensive rather than solving the issue. If she's absolutley sure she wants this break up from you, then you have no choice. Initially, the break up will be painful for you, but for most people this gradually fades with time and they are able to reconstruct their life without their former partner. There are risks with all relationships-you'll have to come to accept it and please -you may feel sad about this but don't be too hard on yourself. Also, it helps to talk about your feelings with friends and family-first, because it's a way of releasing emotion and this in itself is healing, and second, because others may offer support and insight that can be useful. Try to structure your time and take part in activities you enjoy. The best thing is to give yourself enough time to mourn the loss of your relationship. You may want to participate in individual or group therapy to help you move forward.
You also have to learn to balance your new life as a single dad, a single man and your need for some personal down-time. No matter how busy your life may seem, you 'must' carve a few hours a week for your own emotional and physical well-being. Exercise, read, do hobbies, visit with friends, take a class, soak in a tub. You need to nurture yourself. Give time for you to become accustomed to life on your own, a process that will take at least several months, and possibly a couple of years. Take joy in your children..their love will see you through. You will gain strength from them. Good luck, Jeff and take care of yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): soudns like you two should try out some marraige counceling. But my parents have been marrried 30 years- and they are on a pending divorce- sometimes personalities just arent compatible and the female doenst say anything and the male wont change, etc, theres endless combinations of problems that can cause a break up- work with your wife on communication- ask her what makes her want to kick you out- is it your habits? Are her needs being met? Try to figure that out with her, and if there is something still wrong- you shoudl probalby go to a councelor- it can clear up a lot of things that two individuals cant do on their own. Hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): How can you not know what is bothering you that you would make such a drastic, life altering decision? This not only affects her but your children.
Why do grown adults give into stupidity and take the easy way out and say...I give up...and not bother to care that when you have children and are responsible to them to provide them a home with two parents and to teach and instruct them on what will make them happy.
It's love, commitment, hard work, sacrifice, dedication.
She needs counselling. And she needs a hard knock to her head.
If she is unhappy why is kickning out someone who loves and supports them and wants to make them happy an option?
She probably wants all those things and yet has convinced herself she doesn't get them from you. Why are people so drawn to bring upon themselves heartache and drama?
Life isn't going to become easier and who really wants easier?
She doesn't want to be responsbile to another as she sees it as not having freedom. Usually when people begin to have this train of thought; they just don't care about anyone but themselves.
How ugly.
If she is sincere in that she doesn't know why...maybe she is suffering from some mental disorder and I say get to a counsellor fast as they would be better able to discern what her issue is.
Do this first. Then get some counselling for yourself and children.
Once someone makes up their mind...
Best Wishes Guy and do take care.
*hugs*
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female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (19 November 2006):
 i have just been through this with my husband been together twelve years have two children and he turned round out of the blue a couple of months ago and said he did not love me anymore i can only tell you what i done, try asking if you have not alredy why she does not love you anymore, suggest that if she feels that way why not try a trial seperation and not to rush into anything, give her plenty of space try not to be too clingy. most relationships go through this period but some people just dont bring it up and it sorts itself out i have been told love changes over the years but if you both want to try there is always some hope dont give up just yet i have not.
good luck babe i really hope it works out for you keep us posted if you feel up to it.
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