A
female
age
51-59,
*linn
writes:when i was 28 i was drugged and raped by my aunts boyfriend,when i went home i slept for 2 days not knowing a thing, all i told my husband was that i must have been spiked because i only took one drink so i got on with life,but now its all coming back to haunt me,my niece was in the house i can remember bits of it she came to kitchen door and laughed she must have thought i willingly laid with him anyway im now 38 my aunt is now dead but i did tell her about it and i was made out to be a man stealer,we fell out and i never saw her again,fourtunatly the boyfriend of my aunt got what he deserved he drank himself to death,my problem is do i confront my niece,do i explain why i stopped going in the house,why i dont want to go in the house and why i didnt talk to her mother for all those years,and to find out what she remembers if she deos because she was drunk and probably high,i have never been a drinker and have never touched one from that night.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Can't you get piece of mind without consulting your niece? It sounds like she might be having problems of her own if she is involved in drugs, and trying to get her to remember a time period might be tough, she maybe trying to block it out herself. But because of the drugs, I suggest you be cautious if you do decide to confront her with this.
It is sad that your Aunt took the stand that she did against you, it must of shocked you and hurt deeply, but people will protect and be blind to those they love.
On the flip side of my response above, if you were drugged, maybe your niece was also raped, could this be your nieces current propblems with drugs?
I flip flop only because I don't know her condition, and whether or not seeing you pop into her life after a long break will go over well. You have to be cautious, first finding out how she is doing and how stable she is.
I still feel it would be better to work on yourself and not include her on this dark past. Get to know her again first and become close, then maybe test the waters and see if she is able to talk about the past. I would hate to see your niece regress to an area your not aware she may have had.
Tough situation.
A
female
reader, glinn +, writes (15 May 2008):
glinn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno my aunts boyfriend was not my nieces father,she was 15 when it happened she is now 25 and still uses drugs,i just think she can give me piece of mind as a lot is still hazy,i can remember things lying in the bath,in bed,i can visualise her laughing at me when i was shouting to her but no words would come out my mouth,
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (15 May 2008):
 You poor love, I so feel for you with this. These realisations must be dreadful for you, but I think you have to stop and think how would it help to tell your niece this stuff - especially if, as you say, she was drunk and high on drugs herself? Nothing would have registered with her probably anyway, and you are dealing with someone who is or was, depending on if she still uses, mentally ill - drink and drugs is a thinking problem, not a drinking problem. If you were dealing with a rational and sane person maybe she could help you deal with this, though I think not as it was really none of her business anyway. I know this is tough. I stopped seeing my alcoholic father for 6 years before he died. It was tough. I tortured myself daily for 6 months with shall I/shan't I confront him. But every time I put my coat on to go and do it, I realised I was dealing with a mentally ill man, a sick man, not rational. He may just give me a whole load of abuse that I would be left with instead of the clean cut off I had made after his last lot of abuse. He may well deny everything I said. I certainly don't think I'd have got the rational conversation I was seeking - and that was confirmed to me by my brother, who also stopped seeing him several years after me, and who tried to confront him, and he was left very scarred because of the abuse he was left with. I guess what I'm trying to say is, people don't necessarily respond in the way we expect them to, and you may be stirring up more trouble for yourself. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing to make amends for. You did what instinctively knew was right, even though you never knew why at the time maybe. Be proud of that. Go find a good sexual abuse counsellor and deal with what happened to YOU. Let everything else go. Its not important. YOU ARE. Really good luck darling. You deserve it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Ok, I don't think your aunts boyfriend your nieces dad but it is important that I ask. Was he?How old is your niece now?If he isn't and your niece is mature enough to understand the situation then maybe it would help clear your own mind. It seems very strange that she would laugh when she saw this. I don't think it would have been because she thought you lay there with him willingly. I think that would have upset her as not only was her mother's boyfriend betraying her but you would have been too. Because you were raped it is very important that you clear your own mind and find out exactly what happened so that you can get on with your life and move on from this terrible experience.I think it would be a better idea to talk to her as she may be upset and wonder why you were not there whilst her mother was alive. She may remember something that you cannot. You were wrongly made out to be a man stealer, you must have been heart broken. I would see a councillor before you make your decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Hell no!!! Don't say anything to your niece. Let her live her life with the comfort of what she knew of them. Give it a rest. Work on yourself so that you feel better about yourself and don't pull others into this miserable time period in your life. Telling her may make her a victim: how could my dad do this to someone. Don't destroy her good memories.
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