A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've heard about men and women falling out on bad terms due to affairs, jealousies etc - but can someone please explain the hatred still shown to me by this guy?The thing is - I am single and got close to a guy who fancied me, last year, nothing really happened as I wasn't really wanting a relationship, so understably he moved on to another lady rather quickly instead (who already had a boyfriend). I was quite surprised he had moved on so quick and I told him I didn't think it right he was after another woman who was attached.Anyway, to cut a long story short, we fell out over it and he blocked me on Facebook. Fair enough I thought - if that's what he wants and so we went our separate ways...Until now. - The thing is - I did try to make amends at the time, by phoning him once but he simply refused to answer my call. But lately, 6 months down the line - I have heard he has told mutual friends of ours that I'm nasty, jealous, not to be trusted and I even heard I am meant to hate woman!!!? None of which is true! I have also heard he has fallen out with this new lady too now - and wouldn't be surprised if he blames me for that too...I find this all so ludicrous and blown out of proportion, as I have never given him reason to say all these things - except for offering him my opinions. I even tried to make amends with him and he wouldn't listen.So my question is this - Why after all this time - does he still show such hatred towards me? We were never in a proper relationship - and I have had no direct contact with him for 6 months, so why would he still be bitter with me in particular? I am over him - but just curious to why he should still hate me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2015): Yes CodeWarrier - I am the OP & have never thought of it like that before. I can be quite opinionated - but he knew that at the time.
I guess he is just one of those people that once he spits his dummy out there is no going back. I just wonder why he still holds a grudge as like I say I haven't seen or spoke to him in months, surely he would have other things to be angry about now.
Thanks for the advice everyone. I just wish he could learn to forgive - not that I've done anything too wrong in the first place...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 May 2015):
 Well, hatred is such a strong word, I don't think he " hates " you. And 6 months is not such a long time ... for people who's prone to hold grudges, there are types of personality who stay hung up over minor slights ( true or perceived ) for YEARS. For them it's normal, while it is difficult to understand for less " revengeful " types of people.
Anyway, again, I don't think it's about such a strong emotions like hatred, it's more like, when you THINK you ike a person a lot and then find something about him / her which makes you change your mind , and you do not like them anymore, it sort of leaves you with a lingering bad aftertaste. Of course after a fall out people can patch up - and change their mind again and slowly restore the " offender " in their good graces, but this only if circumstances or choice have them interact again, while you two are not in contact anymore , so for him nothing has changed and you are still in the doghouse.
He liked you because he thought / hoped yu might like him beck, and when you rejected him... he did not like you that much anymore ( petty, but human. At least , it happens quite often ). And , he disliked the fact that you scolded him about moving on too quick and getting attached to someone who's taken ( I must say tbh that I can see his point in that. You rejected him as a suitor, what he decides to do after rejection, and how fast or slow, it's not your concern anymore . You offered your UNSOLICITED opinion about something very private and personal- some guys would be ok with that and others- apparently including him - would definitely NOT ).
Anyway what do you worry about ? The guy is a sore loser, yes. But you acted properly and correctly, you offered your apologies, tried to explain etc... You did your part . If he does not want to do HIS part ( accepting graciously your apologies ) that's on him. Too bad for HIM that he can't act civil and mature. But that's HIS problem , don't make it yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks - I'm the OP.
Yes - it could be that the truth hurts - but I honestly don't feel any malice towards him - so just can't understand the hostility...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 May 2015):
 Why waste time trying to figure out what his ISSUES are? He obviously didn't LIKE rejection and didn't understand why YOU didn't want him and WHY you thought it was any of your business what chick he pursued after you.
Leave the whackadoodle alone.
And stop trying to contact him and "explain" why YOU didn't want to date him. He may feel that is more like you rubbing it in that you don't want him. HE is not your friend. You are not his.
People who KNOWS you know who you are and what kind of person you are. And people who know HIM, knows what kind of person HE is.
SCREW what he thinks.
You can not control what others do, say or think.
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