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male
,
anonymous
writes: Im a 23 year old male who has been married 2 months now and I got caught texting and calling a few girls I met online. What should I do? I would never physically cheat on her but I believe I was addicted to online chat and text messages. Ive never been more scared in my life. Please help.
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female
reader, Ms. Tanya +, writes (4 September 2006):
 Well, you messed up, that was stupid and she has the right to be angery, that said. Your bigger problem. Making it up to her.
First of all STOP going to the chat rooms right now, she won't trust you in those for a long time. Get used to it. Try this, go out and get her a single rose, wrap a little note on it reading somthing like "My heart, I never ment to hurt you, please forgive me. I can't bare to loose something as beuatiful and delight as you"
And I realise I'm beating you up alot here, I have done some things to boyfriends that were honest mistakes and that I'd do anything to take back and I feel for you and I know how terrified you must be of looseing her. But I also see where shes comeing from, you married HER you pleadged your love to HER you sleep with HER and SHE is the one who cooks for you. And you've done her wrong.
Talk to her about it, take her somwhere special, does she have a thing for a particular sport? Does she like danceing? Take her to a romantic dinner and spend the entire night sucking up. Above all live by these following rules for the next month and you'll be fine:
1. Shes always right
2. You hurt her, you owe her.
3. Chat rooms, are a NO-NO
4. No other women exists but your wife, so don't stare at nothin' cause it ain't there.
5. Talk. Talk and say you wrong, alot.
I hope your wife forgives you, but your going to have to work to re-earn her trust, don't screw up again
~Ms. Tanya
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): Who cares if you would never physically cheat on her, you are emotionally already. And, yes, you are addicted, just as many other people are to that or other things. The internet can be dangerous, so do other things, don't check email or go on the internet alone, make sure she is always there, or just get rid of your computer. stop all correspondence with these girls if you want to save your marriage. Do anything you can to gain back your wife's trust. It's never too late! GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 August 2006):
 Your marriage is in deep trouble if you would prefer to spend hours in front of the computer corresponding with random women, rather than having a conversation with your wife. Although you don't consider it cheating, your wife may well think of this as breaking your vows. You say 'you got caught' suggesting that this would not have been identified as a problem by you unless you had been confronted with it. Addictions of all sorts can only be sorted out by totally abstaining from whatever tempts you - alcoholics have to stay away from the booze, smokers have to stay away from cigarettes...and you have to stay away from chat rooms. It is not difficult...whenever you feel tempted to go online for a chat, go and purposely do something else instead. Start a new email account to block contact with your internet ladies.
Spend time with your wife and talk to her about how you are feeling as she must be very hurt and upset to have found you out in this way. Make her a promise that you won't do it again, and stick to it.
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